Documenting my journey through the mental health system

My sense of burnout is strong. I’m sick of patient care. There, I said it.

I have a show coming up next week, that’s the only thing to look forward to right now. The wildfires that tore through my city left a lot of damage and heartbreak. I’m taking part in a fundraiser to benefit fire victims and will sing two numbers.

My mom cries and is depressed all the time. I can understand it; there is not much to be happy about. She is getting old, my greatest fear. She blames me for her depression and lot in life. She imagined her life being so different than it is now.

My house is being a pain in the ass. My hot water heater is acting up. The oven is baking incorrectly. And now the ice maker doesn’t work. I have a home warranty, but I have to find my own servicer for the water heater, then get reimbursed. So I have to make some phone calls later.

I have urges to be med non-compliant again. I am afraid of all the pills, but afraid of manic depression even more. So I take them. Once in awhile I forget a day. I actually forget despite the long habit and simply climb into bed and lay down exhausted and fall asleep for a limited time. I wake up early because I didn’t take the meds and feel stupid. I hate having these meds. What a crutch. I’d be the first loser dead in an apocalypse.