bipolar
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I still hate driving by the mental hospital. I have no choice, it is right there at a nexus of roads so no matter what route I take, I have to go by it. Sometimes it’s enough to ruin my night. Or at least set me off into a tailspin of terrible thoughts and memories.…
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May 13, Wednesday, was my last show and despite my limited practice for Part of that World, I did so much better than I was anticipating! I could feel it while it was happening. Marry A’botumn, our show host (I love that drag name) had an important announcement for us too. Instead of just the…
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Damn near inspiring – the profound effects of my own mind at war with itself. Jean Paul Sartre said life is an unwelcome interruption to a peaceful nonexistence. I really feel that sometimes. No voices this time, just turmoil. I have a lot of thoughts. They’re so fast. A lot on my mind. I did…
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Some days, the PTSD is strong. My mind perseverates on trauma, memories, pain. Pain I’ve worked really hard to work through, to come to terms with. But sometimes it hurts all over again. Maybe it’s because I saw the psych nurse practitioner who manages my meds. I told him I can’t even miss a day,…
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I downgraded…a low mood post theater singing…hard to concentrate, even harder to write. Tormented by rapid thoughts of all the things I fear and all the fears everyone else has too. This is what a dying empire looks like. I am better now. I got caught up on my meds. I had missed a couple…
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In July 2024, I was violently detained and hospitalized for suicide and later, completed an Intensive Outpatient mental health program as the year ended. I remember that during the program, I was quite anxious about the upcoming holidays because I was not living in my house. Every day, I wrote here and in a journal,…
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The fundraiser flyer has been released, and I shared it all over my newly created Instagram as well as my Facebook. I brought in a lot of business to Nyne at the drag show two weeks ago, and I’m hoping to get everyone to come out again. More than before. This fundraiser is a big…
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Wednesday was my stage debut, my re-emergence from the shadows. I sang Villains, by Madalen Duke, and My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion. I did not sing Villains as well as I would have liked, getting used to a new venue and mic and sound system and performance floor. It wasn’t horrible, but that…
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In my 20s, while being a broke college student, I did a lot of drag. I had met a drag queen at a show and expressed my own interest in performing. Between music and singing lessons as well as dance, I had a decent background in performing arts. I almost majored in the fine arts,…
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The last week of the winter I quarter. Final papers, projects, all due by the end of the week. There is literally no turn around time – winter II starts Monday. Sunday night, really. That’s when the classes appear in canvas and I get right to work. It is all accelerated and I like it…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 