bipolar
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In July 2024, I was violently detained and hospitalized for suicide and later, completed an Intensive Outpatient mental health program as the year ended. I remember that during the program, I was quite anxious about the upcoming holidays because I was not living in my house. Every day, I wrote here and in a journal,…
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The fundraiser flyer has been released, and I shared it all over my newly created Instagram as well as my Facebook. I brought in a lot of business to Nyne at the drag show two weeks ago, and I’m hoping to get everyone to come out again. More than before. This fundraiser is a big…
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Wednesday was my stage debut, my re-emergence from the shadows. I sang Villains, by Madalen Duke, and My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion. I did not sing Villains as well as I would have liked, getting used to a new venue and mic and sound system and performance floor. It wasn’t horrible, but that…
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In my 20s, while being a broke college student, I did a lot of drag. I had met a drag queen at a show and expressed my own interest in performing. Between music and singing lessons as well as dance, I had a decent background in performing arts. I almost majored in the fine arts,…
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The last week of the winter I quarter. Final papers, projects, all due by the end of the week. There is literally no turn around time – winter II starts Monday. Sunday night, really. That’s when the classes appear in canvas and I get right to work. It is all accelerated and I like it…
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“What do you think Dr. P? Did you imagine me capable of this?” “How about you, Shirley? – you were the one who told me to take classes again.” I think about them sometimes. The staff and other patients in the hospital with me. Shirley was a nurse who dealt with my sleepwalking, gave me…
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I really hate myself sometimes. I worry a lot. I make stupid mistakes I shouldn’t be making. I second guess myself all the time. And I have a brain that breaks apart sometimes. I put it back together though. A few times. I’ve pieced together a lucrative career out of nurse assisting and owning a…
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“I’ll never speak on this again. Looks like I’m attention seeking, I know that’s what you’re all thinking.” “No, we’re not. We think you’re in great danger of hurting yourself,” Dr. P said. I sat in the turtle suit that seemed to swallow me whole. It was far too big. They took my clothes, everything…
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Heavy flashbacks tonight. I go back in time, my heart races, I’m flooded with memories that cause physical pain. It’s hard to concentrate. I’m so consumed sometimes. I want to talk to the doctor about it but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know that anything can really be done about it. I…
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I have not been very present. Trying to combat that with mindfulness. Christmas came and went and as per usual, my brother never came with the wife and kids, but it was my mom who canceled and postponed this time. Now they are slated to come end of the month. I will be at work.…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 