depression
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These meds work too well sometimes. Things were pretty bad on depakote, I still ended up in the hospital, but this combination of abilify with lamotrigine makes me have a very flat affect. I look like a robot. Internally I am both depressed and not depressed. Depressed enough to notice that I can’t do anything…
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Mental health is a funny thing. It varies depending on culture and language. There are all these mental disorders in the Western world. I think other cultures have their own version of what poor mental health looks like. Inevitably, there is a breakdown in functioning. Here in the US, a patient may stop their meds,…
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I sort of feel like I am trying to slog through mud. I’m tired. Everything feels so heavy and difficult. It does not help that I am at work, loaded with around 25 patients because I’m the only CNA. The nurses helped out a lot with vitals but there are a lot of them, and…
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I’m so stressed, and irritated, and depressed about everything. I hate to get all emo (there’s a reference that’ll date me) but it’s so hard fighting these mood swings and feelings. I did a lot of therapy to get more a handle on it and that helped and I still use that therapy to this…
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My sense of burnout is strong. I’m sick of patient care. There, I said it. I have a show coming up next week, that’s the only thing to look forward to right now. The wildfires that tore through my city left a lot of damage and heartbreak. I’m taking part in a fundraiser to benefit…
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Today – the 19th – is my birthday. I am now 41 years old. They say aging is supposed to mellow you out but I’m as high strung as I always was. Restless, sometimes hypomanic, medicated for bipolar swings, and with great skin. I don’t look my age. I look like I’m in my early…
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Two years ago, nearly to the day, I finally got released from the mental hospital. I was very fragile but alive after a suicide attempt and violent detainment involving the police. I’ve been afraid of them ever since. They’re a rotten trigger. I spent three months in the hospital’s intensive outpatient program, or IOP, after…
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I forgot my meds today. It may be all my imagination, but I swear I can feel it. Missing even one day throws me off and makes me depressed. Maybe it’s just placebo but what difference does it make if the anguish is the same? I did see Ceila and the new baby last night…
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People who say they have no regrets are liars. Everyone regrets something, everyone wishes for a chance to fix that one mistake… I get down on myself hard sometimes, dwelling on mistakes and regrets. My bipolar brain has me remembering all my efforts, sometimes driven by manic urges and delusions, and I’m left with this…
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I haven’t talked to my brother, but I did send him a strongly worded text after he sent me one: “ready to talk?” He didn’t reply. Then tonight mom and I sent him a Walmart order of groceries and water. He had texted her, asking for some food. He’s so absurdly broke and I feel…
