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I’m so stressed, and irritated, and depressed about everything. I hate to get all emo (there’s a reference that’ll date me) but it’s so hard fighting these mood swings and feelings. I did a lot of therapy to get more a handle on it and that helped and I still use that therapy to this…
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Showtime tomorrow! I have one more night of work after tonight, I’ll take a nap, then it’s time to get ready. This show is important, a lot of people and other singers will be there. There should be a lineup getting emailed out today. I’m singing Jolene, as the fundraiser is Dolly Parton themed. I…
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My sense of burnout is strong. I’m sick of patient care. There, I said it. I have a show coming up next week, that’s the only thing to look forward to right now. The wildfires that tore through my city left a lot of damage and heartbreak. I’m taking part in a fundraiser to benefit…
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Tomorrow is it, my first show in which I sing for the first time in a couple months. My voice seems mostly to be back and I’m finally over the walking pneumonia. I’m singing White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane at the Alice in Wonderland themed Garland Pride and will be in my elaborate purple gown…
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Today – the 19th – is my birthday. I am now 41 years old. They say aging is supposed to mellow you out but I’m as high strung as I always was. Restless, sometimes hypomanic, medicated for bipolar swings, and with great skin. I don’t look my age. I look like I’m in my early…
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I have struggled with med compliance. I missed a few days. Not in a row, but it still fucked with my mood. Every time I think I can ease up, I’ll be fine, it’s no big deal…I can’t. I come crawling back, and I hate it. They’re a production in and of themselves. I could…
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Last night during an abbreviated shift with no patients, I revamped the library/TV room. I tore it apart – reorganizing books, puzzles, games, and coloring books/pencils and putting it all into new places and throwing away a lot of junk. I cleaned the little computer room which is a room inside the library room –…
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I am finally back at work at the VA tonight. We’ve been evacuated because of the fires and the patients are still away at area hospitals and adult family homes. It’s very weird being at work with no patients. My coworker is going to leave early. I might too. I haven’t decided – I burned…
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Two years ago, nearly to the day, I finally got released from the mental hospital. I was very fragile but alive after a suicide attempt and violent detainment involving the police. I’ve been afraid of them ever since. They’re a rotten trigger. I spent three months in the hospital’s intensive outpatient program, or IOP, after…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 