Documenting my journey through the mental health system

Two weeks complete of grad school. This morning I was nearly in tears, overwhelmed at all of it. Overwhelmed at my home life and the misery of my mother and stressed by increasing demands from a totally online Master of Public Health program.

I’m trying to roll with it, enjoy it. I was very good at research and writing back in college, and my last attempt at grad school. I already missed one assignment in week one because there was no due date and I misunderstood expectations…I talk to the teacher in the morning to clarify a lot of questions I have for that particular class.

Don’t see it all at once, Dr B said. it’s gonna be one day at a time.

I have the next few days off work. I’m hoping, between housework and the chores I find relaxing, I’ll be disciplined enough to do my schoolwork. This morning, I was so petrified I was nearly paralyzed with lack of action, questioning myself, questioning everything…it took great force of will to sit down at my laptop and get to work. I spent a lot of time on canva the last few days, making a presentation when I have never used that program before. It’s going to get more intense when I use Prezi, another new program at least to me, for more work in the near future.

My anxiety has been quite palpable. My mother doesn’t make things easier with her melodramatic despair at never having a day off. I have no idea what she’s talking about.

I thought I had so much more to say. I am just hanging on right now, forcing myself to do this work, to research, to find the sources for the things I already know, in large part.