family
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The boat was so cool the first time. Classy and elegant. Now it was looking like Carnival as Princess seemed to be making a turn toward accommodating kids. I find this grotesque. Mom got pneumonia after spending just too much time outside on deck, smoking. Literally exposure is what got her. No one else on…
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I haven’t talked to my brother, but I did send him a strongly worded text after he sent me one: “ready to talk?” He didn’t reply. Then tonight mom and I sent him a Walmart order of groceries and water. He had texted her, asking for some food. He’s so absurdly broke and I feel…
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My brother has betrayed me. I got a phone call from my mom while at work last night, at VA. She never calls me at work, and in fact, if you do, it means it’s an emergency. That’s the code. She told me George was flailing about the house, screaming and carrying on, and most…
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I have not been very present. Trying to combat that with mindfulness. Christmas came and went and as per usual, my brother never came with the wife and kids, but it was my mom who canceled and postponed this time. Now they are slated to come end of the month. I will be at work.…
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Things are bad at home. There was a fight…and I’m not sorry but I still feel like shit. I never called names, I felt instead like I was defending myself. But she’s so good at positioning herself as the victim and me some kind of evil abuser. Who knows, maybe I am. And I don’t…
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While my mother was out of town – a rare occurrence – I took advantage of my time alone. I miss living alone, and spent it working on the house. I got rid of the dining room table I recently acquired – it’s just too big for the space. I got a small two-seater bistro…
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Two weeks complete of grad school. This morning I was nearly in tears, overwhelmed at all of it. Overwhelmed at my home life and the misery of my mother and stressed by increasing demands from a totally online Master of Public Health program. I’m trying to roll with it, enjoy it. I was very good…
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I have a crazy week in store. Tomorrow is the last normal day in my sweet downtown apartment. I’m calling the school because I have questions about my classes and I’ll probably do my laundry. Then I sleep before work and on Wednesday morning I meet the movers who will do a quick inventory –…
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Sometimes I am just floating, going through the motions, not sad or depressed or manic or anything. I exist in a state of melancholy. I use work to cope. I’m working 9 days this week, and I realize 9 days is more than a week but that’s just what it is. If I didn’t have…
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I’ve been visiting my mother at my house daily after work. Subtly stressing how time is rushing by and my move in is fast approaching. We drink a few mimosas. Sometimes I order some breakfast. She looks like hell. So much smoking and drinking. She doesn’t attend to hygiene well, making excuses about being forced…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 