grad school
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I still hate driving by the mental hospital. I have no choice, it is right there at a nexus of roads so no matter what route I take, I have to go by it. Sometimes it’s enough to ruin my night. Or at least set me off into a tailspin of terrible thoughts and memories.…
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Some days, the PTSD is strong. My mind perseverates on trauma, memories, pain. Pain I’ve worked really hard to work through, to come to terms with. But sometimes it hurts all over again. Maybe it’s because I saw the psych nurse practitioner who manages my meds. I told him I can’t even miss a day,…
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In July 2024, I was violently detained and hospitalized for suicide and later, completed an Intensive Outpatient mental health program as the year ended. I remember that during the program, I was quite anxious about the upcoming holidays because I was not living in my house. Every day, I wrote here and in a journal,…
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I am compelled to take on a sort of leadership role within my class groups. Last week fumbled out as a mess and we were late turning in our assignments. The first parts to a grander design. I also have a head start. I go to work at 6pm every Sunday night at the VA.…
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I am really in the weeds now. So is my friend Shelly, currently in school and about to enter the RN program. You might recall she was there when I was detained and sent to the mental hospital, and she took care of my cat while I was there. I’m halfway through my program and…
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This weekend marks the close of the Winter I quarter. Monday begins Winter II, and an official halfway point towards this master’s degree. There is Spring 1 after that, and the last time I will have two classes at a time. I will have only one per quarter starting Spring II. I will be finished…
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The last week of the winter I quarter. Final papers, projects, all due by the end of the week. There is literally no turn around time – winter II starts Monday. Sunday night, really. That’s when the classes appear in canvas and I get right to work. It is all accelerated and I like it…
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“What do you think Dr. P? Did you imagine me capable of this?” “How about you, Shirley? – you were the one who told me to take classes again.” I think about them sometimes. The staff and other patients in the hospital with me. Shirley was a nurse who dealt with my sleepwalking, gave me…
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I have daymares. No nightmares in awhile. I take prazosin, for nightmares. I was always kind of skeptical of that – how can a pill get rid of dreams, specifically, the nightmare variety? It probably can’t – the placebo does most of the work when it comes to a lot of meds. We believe it…
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I am a man who feels more stable under routine conditions: I develop routines for my day, my week, for grad school and work and I apply these routines to the smallest things like what clothes I wear or how I arrange my house. I have always been into a routine. Or sought to develop…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 