Documenting my journey through the mental health system

What is it about the labile mood? And how does it affect my bipolar disorder and its manic highs and lows?

Sometimes this labile mood presents with intensity and is distressing. It’s almost a daily oscillation when I miss a dose of my mood stabilizer or there are triggers in the environment. It’s not the same as periodic manic highs and depressive lows. Those are long lasting and take place over weeks and months. My meds keep those highs and lows closer together but not completely eliminated.

I am flat, then elated, then depressed all in one day. The last few days have been characterized by my labile mood and its rapid daily highs and lows.

I just hate having patients in restraints. What a terrible trigger. The flashbacks to my own nightmare, psychosis and suicide attempts, restraints to keep me from hurting myself or running away. Haldol injections to force me to calm down and sleep in a sort of hellish dreamscape.

What do I do about that? My coworkers are unbothered, but I am distressed.

I try to distract. Think about anything else. Sex. My house. My writing. I am also excited. My house is coming together. My hardwood restoration specialists worked on my flooring all day. They’ll be back tomorrow, and the finish is scheduled for Friday. Then I start moving.