Documenting my journey through the mental health system

I had a good laugh yesterday when a letter from the mental hospital came. I was curious at first, wondering what on earth they could have to write me about, as opposed to email or call. A survey? I did one of those at discharge. A follow up to see how I’m doing? No, it was a bill!

My inpatient notes document my anxiety with the financial costs associated with a mental health crisis, or ongoing mental health management. I remember saying to Dr Patel, in my room, humanely restrained in an anti-suicide smock, that I can’t pay for this. And it’s true, I can’t. And I am luckier than most. I have the VA.

For others, the bill would show a dollar amount, plus amount owed. Mine showed this, but in amount owed, the dollar amount was zero because the VA had already paid for it. This was just my “proof of purchase.”

Same with the ER bill, and separate “physician services.” While locked in a little room in the ER, a doctor had asked me if this was the worst day of my life, and I had said every day is, each one gets worse than the one before. He said, “I’m glad you’re here” and walked away. Charged me 300 dollars for that. I had to go through some headaches in clearing these bills up too. For separate physician services I had to make SEVERAL phone calls to different call centers, both sides confused because one had been shut down and a new one opened and another one took over billing for this one, etc… Eventually I cleared it. Same thing with AMR, the ambulance people who insisted on continuing to bill me all the way up to two weeks ago. I spoke with the same representative each time, calling to remind them I’m not paying 1,300 dollars for a five block ambulance ride on one of the worst days of my life. I’ve had to tell them a few times to bill the VA, under the PACT act, all emergency services are covered for veterans. Especially suicidal emergencies, and those are specifically outlined under PACT act rules.

And I can’t complain. I am so lucky to have the VA. It’s not cool what I had to go through to get it. Before the PACT act, back in 2014, I was billed for the ambulance ride to Sacred Heart. I was tied down in the ambulance, out of my fucking mind and terrified. I had to pay for that. Everything else was waived as far as hospital bills go because I was an involuntary inpatient.

I can’t imagine receiving these bills, these horrible reminders and slaps in the face, with big fat dollar amounts next to the “amount owed” box. I can’t imagine paying to go through the worst times of my life. That’s enough to drive any man to suicide.