Documenting my journey through the mental health system

I forgot my meds today. It may be all my imagination, but I swear I can feel it. Missing even one day throws me off and makes me depressed. Maybe it’s just placebo but what difference does it make if the anguish is the same?

I did see Ceila and the new baby last night though, after work at 3am. It’s an old tradition from our time working together at the VA, we had our short night on the same night every other week. Now we meet up at that time – she sets her alarm – and we eat and hang out at Dennys. I gave her the dream catcher made by the Alaskan Athabascan natives out of a deer antler. She loves dream catchers.

I am behind on house stuff. I have a long work stretch and there hasn’t been much time. Tomorrow after work I want to catch up, clean my floors, etc. I’m also going over to Idaho to check out a bike. It’s a beautiful chrome cruiser, with a back rack and fenders. I want a bike. I’m not exactly sure why, I just need it. I don’t know that I will use it and for what, but I know it was always the kind of exercise I preferred, besides swimming. Exercise and working out kinda sucks.

My savings is badly depleted so I’m going to aggressively save over the next few months. I am able to put 3000 in savings every month. But life is more expensive than ever, and it has been hard keeping it there. I also pay my brother’s rent. I don’t need this second job but with it, I can save a lot more. I simply live on this second job’s money and put everything else away.

I still can’t sing.