Documenting my journey through the mental health system

My coworker: “the world is not ending.”

Me: “but it is though…”

I’ve been dealing with nagging anxiety and irritable depression. Even here at work, I got snappy and pissed off about a stupid mistake. I tried really hard to avoid that mistake in the first place. Sort of blew up. I was so frustrated and feeling like a complete dumbass.

Maybe not the end of the world here at work but in the broader sense, the world really is ending. Human caused, too.

I like being alive at this point in time, the past sucked. But it’s also one of the worst times to be alive. The US has never been so divided and pissed off. Wars are raging everywhere. The climate is fucked and adapting to that is just not happening. I am terrified for the future.

In the 40s and 50s, the boomers were born. A very large generation – too large. In studies of demographics and sociology, we see that generations that are too big aren’t as well absorbed into the society. There has to be some left behind. There aren’t enough jobs and healthcare for them. Incidentally, most homeless are middle aged and older.

Same thing happened to the millennials. We’re in our early 40s now, give or take, and our generation was too big, too many born at one time. By the time we need care in old age, if we’re so unlucky – the staff in hospitals and homes won’t exist. Especially since the people who would do it need to be born now and in the next few years…and the birthrate is at an all time low.

For obvious reasons. Life is too expensive. The world is getting hotter and more deadly because of our own hubris. Nothing is stable or safe. Pedophiles and the parasite billionaire class are running the world. In a small way, Qanon was right.

I’m drawing on my intensive outpatient DBT therapy lessons. I can’t do anything about anything. I can only do one day at a time. Even if I’m making plans. I’m hoping I will feel better when I have completed my masters program.