DBT
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Two years ago, nearly to the day, I finally got released from the mental hospital. I was very fragile but alive after a suicide attempt and violent detainment involving the police. I’ve been afraid of them ever since. They’re a rotten trigger. I spent three months in the hospital’s intensive outpatient program, or IOP, after…
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So, I haven’t been able to sing since I nailed My Heart Will Go On on the cruise ship. And I did nail it too. My version of pneumonia started about a day after mom’s, when we got off the boat and made it to the hotel. I had puking, fever, coughing, headache. That was…
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Damn near inspiring – the profound effects of my own mind at war with itself. Jean Paul Sartre said life is an unwelcome interruption to a peaceful nonexistence. I really feel that sometimes. No voices this time, just turmoil. I have a lot of thoughts. They’re so fast. A lot on my mind. I did…
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My coworker: “the world is not ending.” Me: “but it is though…” I’ve been dealing with nagging anxiety and irritable depression. Even here at work, I got snappy and pissed off about a stupid mistake. I tried really hard to avoid that mistake in the first place. Sort of blew up. I was so frustrated…
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Some days, the PTSD is strong. My mind perseverates on trauma, memories, pain. Pain I’ve worked really hard to work through, to come to terms with. But sometimes it hurts all over again. Maybe it’s because I saw the psych nurse practitioner who manages my meds. I told him I can’t even miss a day,…
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In July 2024, I was violently detained and hospitalized for suicide and later, completed an Intensive Outpatient mental health program as the year ended. I remember that during the program, I was quite anxious about the upcoming holidays because I was not living in my house. Every day, I wrote here and in a journal,…
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The fundraiser flyer has been released, and I shared it all over my newly created Instagram as well as my Facebook. I brought in a lot of business to Nyne at the drag show two weeks ago, and I’m hoping to get everyone to come out again. More than before. This fundraiser is a big…
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This weekend marks the close of the Winter I quarter. Monday begins Winter II, and an official halfway point towards this master’s degree. There is Spring 1 after that, and the last time I will have two classes at a time. I will have only one per quarter starting Spring II. I will be finished…
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“What do you think Dr. P? Did you imagine me capable of this?” “How about you, Shirley? – you were the one who told me to take classes again.” I think about them sometimes. The staff and other patients in the hospital with me. Shirley was a nurse who dealt with my sleepwalking, gave me…
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There is a construction zone around 4th avenue, and I must detour on my way to work. The mental hospital is on my route to work, so now instead of driving by it, I drive with it looming in front of me. I don’t know that I will ever get over it. I have a…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 