Documenting my journey through the mental health system

My new job wants to promote me. I’m not sure if I’ve already mentioned this, but there is a senior CNA position opening up and they put me in the class required for the promotion. I will have an expanded scope of practice which isn’t saying much because our scope is always limited. But I will have the same scope as I currently do at the VA – blood sugars, BVI (bladder scans) EKGs, foley catheter insertions/removals, and a few other things. Currently at Sacred Heart I can’t do any of that stuff but the class is at the end of the month and then I’ll get a fancy new name badge and a small pay increase. And of course more work.

I’m spending a lot of money. Now is the time to buy, before prices skyrocket and recession sets in thanks to the orange twitler. My flooring is paid for, my light fixtures, and a few other things to replace older stuff. I’m about to buy a wall mounted mirror cabinet and tool set. Everything that has to do with updating my house and making my move back into it tolerable. I know I am really going to miss my apartment. But I’ll have an extra thousand a month for lack of rent.

I spend a lot of time “building mastery.” Apparently that DBT skill really resonated with me because I lean into it a lot to manage the feeling of being out of control. I’m getting rid of a lot of stuff. I want minimalism. Less baggage. I’m going through my entire closet and tossing/donating half of it. I’ll be getting rid of dishes, furniture, linens. I’m getting rid of other stuff with the goal of newer replacements. After the flooring is finished, I can start taking car loads over there. I have till the end of June to move.

I take Prazosin for nightmares, but I had rough dreams today before work. I can’t really remember them, but I still feel the feeling of fear and anxiety that so often haunts me in my sleep.