VA
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Last night during an abbreviated shift with no patients, I revamped the library/TV room. I tore it apart – reorganizing books, puzzles, games, and coloring books/pencils and putting it all into new places and throwing away a lot of junk. I cleaned the little computer room which is a room inside the library room –…
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I am finally back at work at the VA tonight. We’ve been evacuated because of the fires and the patients are still away at area hospitals and adult family homes. It’s very weird being at work with no patients. My coworker is going to leave early. I might too. I haven’t decided – I burned…
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I am compelled to take on a sort of leadership role within my class groups. Last week fumbled out as a mess and we were late turning in our assignments. The first parts to a grander design. I also have a head start. I go to work at 6pm every Sunday night at the VA.…
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Another one bites the dust. Two deaths in a week at the VA, and one of them was a full code. They still lost him. My humor is dark. Night shift humor is dark. This is true across medical, fire, police, and certain other professions that deal with people at their worst or at least,…
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All Hallow’s Eve…and patients are off the hook all around me. The only day I work this week at Sacred Heart – and I’ve got sad cases, chaotic cases, all of it boiling down to the violence of our hyper capitalistic living. What people do to cope is incredible…like the 30-year-old girl dying of liver…
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I have been off, but trying to bounce out of it. My charge nurse and coworker asked if I’d been taking my meds. I have! But I have been overwhelmed and frustrated with a lot. I am killing it, though. Despite the government shutdown, 97% of VA employees will work and continue to get paid…
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I’ve been visiting my mother at my house daily after work. Subtly stressing how time is rushing by and my move in is fast approaching. We drink a few mimosas. Sometimes I order some breakfast. She looks like hell. So much smoking and drinking. She doesn’t attend to hygiene well, making excuses about being forced…
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I am at a loss on what to say. I’ve felt a powerful sense of blankness and loss of feeling. I’m like a mannequin, or robot. Didn’t make it to work last night. Too much going on, house stuff, work, family stress… I spent most of the day at the house supervising a housecleaner who…
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I am about to take my meds. For days I have been neither depressed nor happy. I am going through the motions, doing the things I need to do. I have to talk to people sometimes. I take care of the patients. I had a specialist look at my floor. The bright blues I painted…
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Last night and today was a long day. I took ALL my sleep meds plus Seroquel to try to quiet the voices and calm my anxiety. When I was in the mental hospital, Seroquel quieted my overactive mind. Tonight, I am particularly tired and worn down. I still did not sleep that great and woke…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 