work
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I had a good thought for tonight but now I am fragmented; my thoughts are multifactorial. I don’t even know where to start. Most of the time I just dive into work, this keeps me on a path. At Sacred Heart I was recently recognized for my talent at patient care. The patient died but…
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Another one bites the dust. Two deaths in a week at the VA, and one of them was a full code. They still lost him. My humor is dark. Night shift humor is dark. This is true across medical, fire, police, and certain other professions that deal with people at their worst or at least,…
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I am a man who feels more stable under routine conditions: I develop routines for my day, my week, for grad school and work and I apply these routines to the smallest things like what clothes I wear or how I arrange my house. I have always been into a routine. Or sought to develop…
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Sometimes I am just floating, going through the motions, not sad or depressed or manic or anything. I exist in a state of melancholy. I use work to cope. I’m working 9 days this week, and I realize 9 days is more than a week but that’s just what it is. If I didn’t have…
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My top coping skills – music, writing, movies and film…and most of all, work. I’m at Sacred Heart again tonight, with a trainee. I haven’t been here that long, but I am already orienting new people to the floor. In fact, it was only my 4th night back when I was new that I trained…
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I’m drowning in things to do. As soon as I cross one thing off the list, I add another. My new light fixture is finally being installed tomorrow. I’m moving my desk into the room. Then it’s all ready for me to start moving what I’m keeping back into the house. I’ve sold some furniture…
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I’m hearing voices. “No one cares if you live or die.” They just keep saying that. I’m stressed about it. “You will die alone.” What would Dr Black say? Don’t fight it, don’t fight them, play therapist. We all die alone and that’s okay. They don’t listen to me when I say anything. They tell…
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At last, after a marathon of 60-hour work weeks the last three months, I’m taking a week off. I don’t have to be back at work till next Thursday. I am anxious about my flooring project. I still haven’t heard from my installation coordinator. I worry they won’t be able to do it in time.…
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My new job wants to promote me. I’m not sure if I’ve already mentioned this, but there is a senior CNA position opening up and they put me in the class required for the promotion. I will have an expanded scope of practice which isn’t saying much because our scope is always limited. But I…
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At work at Sacred Heart – and flashbacks are not so terrible as they were. When I drove by the mental hospital, I was able to keep breathing and eventually slow my heart. When I saw all the ambulances in the ER bay, I looked away and kept moving. When I got up to the…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 