writing
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Today – the 19th – is my birthday. I am now 41 years old. They say aging is supposed to mellow you out but I’m as high strung as I always was. Restless, sometimes hypomanic, medicated for bipolar swings, and with great skin. I don’t look my age. I look like I’m in my early…
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Last night during an abbreviated shift with no patients, I revamped the library/TV room. I tore it apart – reorganizing books, puzzles, games, and coloring books/pencils and putting it all into new places and throwing away a lot of junk. I cleaned the little computer room which is a room inside the library room –…
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The boat was so cool the first time. Classy and elegant. Now it was looking like Carnival as Princess seemed to be making a turn toward accommodating kids. I find this grotesque. Mom got pneumonia after spending just too much time outside on deck, smoking. Literally exposure is what got her. No one else on…
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May 13, Wednesday, was my last show and despite my limited practice for Part of that World, I did so much better than I was anticipating! I could feel it while it was happening. Marry A’botumn, our show host (I love that drag name) had an important announcement for us too. Instead of just the…
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Folding towels. That’s all he does. Some things are worse than death. L:ike growing old. Or dementia. I’ve worked with a lot of old people in my time as a CNA. Thousands, by now. And even without dementia, growing old is no picnic. It is pain, slowness, weakness, and all kinds of medical issues. But…
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The last week of the winter I quarter. Final papers, projects, all due by the end of the week. There is literally no turn around time – winter II starts Monday. Sunday night, really. That’s when the classes appear in canvas and I get right to work. It is all accelerated and I like it…
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I work too much. I’m aware of that. But I wouldn’t quit my jobs. Even the Sacred Heart one, in which I may be doing my APE project for grad school. It looms in front of me like a mountain, huge and imposing. Last night we had a terrible case of squamous cell carcinoma of…
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I’m trying to use coping skills. The little dumb ones, like listening to music, especially during triggers and stress. Writing. You think this blog is cringe? Should see my paper journal. I use grounding when I dissociate – what can I feel? See? Hear? This involves a bit of mindfulness, and I am not always…
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I have a manic patient. I am simultaneously triggered and yet in my element. I had so much training. Experience. I was able to calm the patient before sedatives. I told Ceila about the flashbacks. They just don’t stop. Told her about the visions of the future I get, but not in great detail. She…
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I’ve completed nearly a week of grad school. The program is public health and is accelerated. So far it has been research practice, reading and writing. I’ve spent time scouring scholarly journals as I have total access to all of them. I’ve taken part in class discussions – conducted online of course – and I’m…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 