Documenting my journey through the mental health system

The publisher just let me know I’ll receive the whole book, edits and formatting and corrections complete, for my final review. It includes the cover design by my friend Mike, and the acknowledgment and dedication.

I’m amazed it’s happening. Makes me motivated to keep writing, I suppose.

I’m absolutely flat as a pancake. I have no emotional expression. I can tell when a joke is funny, I just can’t laugh. Like at the comedy show, I could barely smile.

Same in reverse. Depression is the wrong word for what this is. I have no attachment to sadness, no investment into despair. That may always come later but right now is a strange in between place.

Is this how normal people feel? Is this what it’s like for people who don’t deal with the wild emotional swings of bipolar?

It’s dull. Everything is grey. I can neither react with joy or despair to what comes before me. And some pretty awful things have come before me.

I took my sleep meds early this morning, with an ativan. I slept for 4 hours straight, waking up too early but able to go back to sleep. This had me pretty relieved. I finally got some real sleep. That helps with the harsh screaming in my head.

I wouldn’t talk about that with others though.