Documenting my journey through the mental health system

I am so upset and frustrated with myself. I finally got some sleep…and slept right on through IOP Thursday morning. I was just going to take a nap…

It was an important day too. The final wrap up for distress tolerance and and all the skills therein. The most important module and day of IOP, at least for me.

They texted me, the therapist, to ask if everything was okay. I told her I finally got some sleep but I was super pissed about it.

So I go back Monday. I’m going to ask for a little one on one time to catch up on what I missed. It was the most important day…

I’ve been adapting to my new job well. I made a good first impression according to the unit manager. I have to pursue the reasonable accommodation though. I dropped off paperwork for Dr Black earlier this week. And I hope she will fax it back by the deadline on Tuesday. There shouldn’t be much to say because it’s not a physical or medical accommodation request. Just a mental health one…

I had my phone appointment with my supported employment case manager this morning. I told him about my frustration with missing IOP. Gave him a rundown of all that’s been going on since the last time I saw him. He asked about my new job and how it was going, as well as my full-time job at the VA. Asked if it was overwhelming, was it manageable? So far, yes. But I’m only on my second week. I’ve tried to be strict in my sleep routine. I’ve tried to eat at least once a day. I have little appetite lately. Nothing sounds good. They are only eight-hour shifts. I power through without eating and try to eat something after I get home.

I’m slowly but surely restoring my house, at least enough to make moving in more tolerable. I have new light fixtures picked out, new electric fireplace, and new coffee table. I’m arranging painting with a painter I met through a handyman who does a lot of work for me, on both my properties. Then after that, new carpet. That will be the hardest part because I’ve got to get my mom to clean up her room. Looks like a bomb went off. She won’t use the room, of course. She finds fault with every little thing, so of course the bed is intolerable, and the draft from the heater vents is too windy, and every little thing. Carpet installers do move things for you, but for the most part, you’re on your own.

After the carpet is replaced, the house is pretty much ready for me. This second job will pay for a lot of what I need to do. I want to buy new furniture right now so bad, and I did replace the living room throw rug, couch (still on the way) and armchair, but I have to prioritize the paint and carpet.

My mother is not too happy about it, which is interesting because she’s always bitching about how my house is so shitty and the older furniture in it is so shitty. I don’t care anymore. At least I’m trying not to, for the sake of my shitty mental health. HAHA