Documenting my journey through the mental health system

My patient is not getting better, he regressed tonight.

They had taken him out of restraints and tried to keep him that way. They had also removed the foley catheter. When I got here, he peed everywhere and was trying to get out of bed. He got aggressive and even tried to hit me, but I dodged out of the way. He was paranoid and very confused. Security in their fancy uniforms and guns came and strapped him down again. I am emotionally exhausted.

I got my covid booster shot after work this morning when I had a doctor’s appointment. It was my first time meeting her. My stomach feels unsettled. My mind is going a mile a minute. Every fiber of me is wound up tight. I tried to hide this at the doctor appointment. I don’t need to see anyone right now and I don’t want to talk to anyone. She prodded me in the neck and stomach and tested my reflexes. She checked my ears and eyes. They drew blood and I peed in a cup. Asked about all my medications and how I was tolerating them, any side effects, any depression, suicidal thoughts, hallucinations, all that stuff. I didn’t want to talk about increasing mania and racing thoughts and agitation. I don’t have time for that right now!

I have not heard back from the university on whether I’ve been accepted to the graduate program. There are multiple start dates. I put in my FAFSA for a student loan, but it looks like President Musk wants to eliminate the education department altogether. That’s not legal, for one, and two, does this mean my previous student loan is also eliminated??

I applied for the Pat Tillman scholarship as well. It’s a scholarship for veterans who exemplify leadership and service. I’m not sure if I’m much of a leader but I have been working in healthcare and human services all my life, with the exception of my time in the military. It appears to be a very competitive scholarship so I’m not holding my breath, but I did labor over those essay questions for a week. I’m told I’m a good writer.

There is a constant twitching in my right eye. I told the doctor about it and there’s not much that can be done. It’s just annoying. I guess I might be sleep deprived, in addition to completely fucking over my circadian rhythm by working nights my whole life. I don’t need that much sleep lately.