Documenting my journey through the mental health system

There is little I can do about my reasonable accommodation request over the weekend, but I do have a phone number to call, or I can try to navigate their portal from a work computer. I figure I’ll just call them and expedite it, because I’ve already worked the floor once.

I’ve been doing this job a long time, and agency quite awhile before this. I’m used to a quick report, an even quicker tour, and left to my own devices. They allocated three whole days for me to “shadow” and orient with another person but that is entirely too much. I said one or two days would be plenty.

There are mostly a lot of vital signs. It’s a nephrology unit, so lots of toileting, strict I&Os (input and output) and fluid restrictions, among other issues like diabetes. Ad notably, at least right now, a lot of psych and neuro issues. So, bed alarms, confusion, combative patients. Ages range from younger than me to mid 90s. I answer their call lights and turn on all the bed alarms. No one is going to fall without me knowing about it. Everything is practically the same as the VA – the call light system, the clean and dirty rooms, even the linens used. But they do have some nicer equipment – of course there are overhead lifts, but they also have hoverbeds and slide sheets – both handy devices for moving patients while saving your back. They also have a computer and vitals equipment on the wall of each room so that was awesome, I just needed to learn their machine and I was good to go and did my own vitals by that morning. I learn fairly quickly, and I’m not afraid to hit buttons to see what happens. My guide showed me the charting software which is also new to me but I figured it out by the end of the night, often by clicking around. I figured out how to make patient lists and add vitals with little assistance and from there it’s not hard to find patient notes and other information like how much they had for fluids.

And of course two patients are in restraints. Anyone in restraints requires a telesitter, or 1:1 monitor, and Q2 vital signs. Q means every. Q2 is every 2 hours, vitals must be obtained, because restraints are high risk. I don’t know if my unit manager said anything to my new coworkers or the nurse assistant I shadowed most of the night about my accommodation request – I will have to be open about it which makes me feel sick – but I was spared going in either room. One was on the opposite of our assignment anyway. Telesitters often are used in these situations, they only use in-person monitors if that is the only option. And I am still easily and badly triggered by the whole thing, just the memory alone makes my heart race. I worry I am asking too much. I’ll take all the other patients, I don’t care. I just can’t do this one thing.

I can put in the request by phone and go from there. My next shift is Wednesday night. I do two a week, three the next, and alternate like that. The money’s okay, not bad or good, but okay. I do get a sign on bonus assuming they accommodate my request and put me to use in all the other ways. From the way things are going, it sounds like they’re very desperate for the help. That they’re lucky to have one nurse assistant on nights, let alone two. We are a dying breed but that’s a subject for a whole other post. Many posts. I only got into it because it was recession proof, many years ago. That hasn’t changed, only the demand has skyrocketed while enrollment in CNA school is at near zero. I am proud to say I’ve never worked a nursing home. That is where I draw the line. I’ll get into that story later.

I want to keep doing hospital work, their med/surg unit is very nice looking, quite state of the art with a dialysis unit in the back, and I only had 11 patients – that’s so easy. Eight-hour shifts are so easy. I like it so far, the people are hardened and grizzled as is expected, it is clearly something I can do with ease. But what if I am asking too much?? I can’t stop asking myself that question and I’m going a little crazy.

I’m hoping to see Ceila and go out to dinner, have some drinks. This is my last night off for the next two weeks or so. I will only have every other Friday and Saturday night off from here on out, with these additional shifts at another hospital added to my schedule. I am looking forward to having somewhere constructive to spend my excess energy. Somewhere to distract from otherwise traumatizing thoughts, memories, and voices. Dr Black and Ceila and a few other coworkers and friends don’t like it and think I am going overboard but I have to try.

I have to try.