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Pride on Saturday was absolutely epic. Matty put on one hell of a show. I was a part of that show – during the festival, I performed at the Fountain Stage in Riverfront Park, the jewel of Spokane and a relic from Expo ’74. I did my Rose cosplay – the jump dress with my…
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I haven’t talked to my brother, but I did send him a strongly worded text after he sent me one: “ready to talk?” He didn’t reply. Then tonight mom and I sent him a Walmart order of groceries and water. He had texted her, asking for some food. He’s so absurdly broke and I feel…
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My brother has betrayed me. I got a phone call from my mom while at work last night, at VA. She never calls me at work, and in fact, if you do, it means it’s an emergency. That’s the code. She told me George was flailing about the house, screaming and carrying on, and most…
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Oh my GOD. OH MY GOD. I am halfway through my most intense class yet, thank god it’s the only one I’m taking this quarter. I am BROKE. I spent all my money on grad school and a cruise. As soon as this class ends, I leave on an Alaskan adventure – first the land…
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I still hate driving by the mental hospital. I have no choice, it is right there at a nexus of roads so no matter what route I take, I have to go by it. Sometimes it’s enough to ruin my night. Or at least set me off into a tailspin of terrible thoughts and memories.…
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May 13, Wednesday, was my last show and despite my limited practice for Part of that World, I did so much better than I was anticipating! I could feel it while it was happening. Marry A’botumn, our show host (I love that drag name) had an important announcement for us too. Instead of just the…
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Damn near inspiring – the profound effects of my own mind at war with itself. Jean Paul Sartre said life is an unwelcome interruption to a peaceful nonexistence. I really feel that sometimes. No voices this time, just turmoil. I have a lot of thoughts. They’re so fast. A lot on my mind. I did…
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My coworker: “the world is not ending.” Me: “but it is though…” I’ve been dealing with nagging anxiety and irritable depression. Even here at work, I got snappy and pissed off about a stupid mistake. I tried really hard to avoid that mistake in the first place. Sort of blew up. I was so frustrated…
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Some days, the PTSD is strong. My mind perseverates on trauma, memories, pain. Pain I’ve worked really hard to work through, to come to terms with. But sometimes it hurts all over again. Maybe it’s because I saw the psych nurse practitioner who manages my meds. I told him I can’t even miss a day,…
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I can’t think of what to sing for the next show! There is one, a Muse song, I can use for back up. But I still need another number, something! I scour my playlists for the right one. I have to focus on things like music and dancing and going out to perform in drag…
