Documenting my journey through the mental health system

Oh my GOD. OH MY GOD.

I am halfway through my most intense class yet, thank god it’s the only one I’m taking this quarter.

I am BROKE. I spent all my money on grad school and a cruise. As soon as this class ends, I leave on an Alaskan adventure – first the land portion. Denali National Park, McKinley National Park, lodges owned by Princess cruises, all this stuff. River sailing, hiking, tours. All on land, for 4 nights and 5 days, culminating in a glass train ride of epic scenery on the way to the cruise ship. There is a lot of pack and go, and that part kind of sucks, but they always send your bags ahead of you. One stays with you for the land portion and one gets sent on ahead to the boat, so I have to pack accordingly. Both formal nights will be in full drag, so one of my suitcases is already dedicated to that. The rest of my packing will have a lot more to do with being comfortable in the Alaskan wilderness. I may not be Alaskan, but I am a northerner, and I know how to stay warm and dry like any true Washingtonian. My duffel bag was purchased with its shoe capacity in mind.

More worried about how to pack my meds. That’s a lot of bottles. There’s the daily stuff – Abilify, Effexor, and Lamictal. Then there’s my nighttime stuff – Vistaril, gabapentin. The gabapentin bottle is huge. Then there are my PRNs – Ativan, primarily. I will definitely need it for sleep, virtually every night of the trip, just to get a few hours of sleep outside my own bed. I also have to make sure I remember my Imitrex and ibuprofen for headache attacks. In total, at least 7 or 8 bottles of meds rattling around my carry on.

Wish I had more money. LOL. Even worse, one of my tenants is moving out next month. I have to skip my voice lesson tomorrow just so I can get some sleep before showing the unit to a prospective tenant before work. I really want to move them in too; they have SSI income which means I always get paid…. problem is they have a little dog. Dogs have never got on well in a boardinghouse. My rental property hasn’t seen a vacancy in a few years. I have not raised the rent, and I pay all the utilities. The only downside is you have to live with roommates. If one has a dog, then they all will want dogs. They can all have cats, I don’t care, but the dog thing has always been a no-no. So, I am torn between really needing a new tenant RIGHT NOW and wanting to make sure I get the right tenant. The timing is just awful. The unit in question is 800 a month, that’s 800 I’m not earning this month, plus the 400-dollar deposit she will likely get back. FUCK

My mother is driving me crazy. She won’t do anything for herself. She complains a lot. I’m surprising her though – I placed a Temu order of epic proportions. I am an expert in how to use Temu, and have easily spent a couple thousand there already. I placed a 350-dollar order after weeks of curating it with this trip (and a couple shows) in mind. Half of it is stuff for her – a lot of new clothes and dresses. I always feel bad about it though too – she didn’t get to pick for herself.