Documenting my journey through the mental health system

I ordered the bunk bed with shelving and the two twin mattresses. I am totally fixated. I want this done and the room restored. It’s a storage area too, and I’ve told my mother to put in there whatever she wants. I bought a nice two layer clothing rack and hung up all her stuff. She admitted she was grateful I took it all out for their sanding and painting. My house feels so much better off than when I moved back in and it was a mess. I have restored the piss shrine, my bathroom floor grout, replaced furniture and added new furniture, completely remodeled my room, and replaced my living room and bedroom light fixtures. My brother says the house is cool again.

The bed and mattresses will arrive by the weekend. I hired a builder to put it together for me but can’t do that till the 26th, right after Christmas. My brother, his wife, and my two nephews will be coming New Year’s Eve, as is our tradition for the holidays. I asked if he would come for Christmas itself but they never have. My older brother will visit Christmas day, and I may have the day off. I find out tomorrow. I already got New Year’s Eve off. And by the time they come, my library/guest room will be back to how I originally had it years ago. The kids could play in there if they wanted.

I want to buy a new couch but I’m done investing in my house for now. I’ve literally spent thousands, all well worth it. Now I have to really focus on paying off that cruise. I already paid off half. Plus I have grad school to pay for, and rapidly, as it’s an accelerated program.

I am on a blessed break. No school for two whole weeks, but because it’s accelerated, I have two winter quarters. The first day of the next session starts December 29, right after Christmas, and before New Year’s. I’m already going to be elbows deep by the time my brother and the kids come over. I want to have that spare room done more than ever. Not necessarily because they need it for staying over – we have the shed for that – but because my mom might not have that ready in time.

There is so much I feel like I have to do. I can’t stop moving. I’m putting together a large goodwill pile – as stuff leaves, I get new stuff, or no stuff at all. The point is to stay downsized. My house may be small, but I want it to feel spacious.

There is also the matter of my chandelier. I have to take each bulb shade down and clean them. It’s a pain.

I want to get my younger brother a gift card to a clothing store. Cash is no good, he’ll spend it on something other than clothes. But he’s got to do something about looking like a bum. That’s what I told him anyway. No wonder he can’t get past the interview stage, if he’s getting any interviews at all.

I want to go through all my kitchen drawers. There is plenty to be rid of, namely containers without lids. I’m buying a new Pyrex set with all the lids. Then there is all the stuff we haven’t used in at least a year, it’s got to go. I am also still going through my closet and finding some shoes to be rid of but not even goodwill is going to take them.

So I have stayed constantly moving, even at work I don’t stop. I’ve been so restless and for three days in a row I’ve had to use ativan to force myself to sleep.