Documenting my journey through the mental health system

I have been slacking off on the book – the publisher sends me edited and proofread chunks and I’m supposed to go over it, changing names, making corrections, etc. I have simply been really busy at work, and I need my own laptop to do it. I’m determined to do it this weekend though, while I have a couple nights off.

My good friend Mike designed the cover. He’s an accomplished tattoo artist with a degree in fine arts and is one hell of a painter. I have many of his works in my house. The idea was mine: a head with two faces, one in ecstasy, the other in despair. It looks like me.

I am absolutely thrilled with it. As soon as I saw it, I was rather speechless. He always blows me away with his art. I want to frame it.

I like to play around with the AI generated art here on WordPress. Sometimes I get really good ones, like the one I generated for this post. Still can’t top the raw bipolar emotion Mike was able to capture in his rendition.

My brother is employed at last. He found a job at a gas station up north and they gave him a full-time schedule. Keeping him busy is a good thing. Few of the other guys on DOC or in the treatment groups he has to be in are employed. When you’re caught up in the system, even if it’s therapeutic mental health or drug court, there’s no time for work. He has to go to treatment every day and see his PO every couple weeks. He has to call a number every day to see if he’s drug tested that day or not. They keep him on a pretty short leash. Because of this, finding a job has been hard for him, and he’s not good at playing the system. I told him a night shift job is the best job, honestly. I do believe that it is. He’s lucky he found one. We all are.

Things like this don’t just affect one person. It affects the families, ripples out into a neighborhood, community, an entire society. I paid his rent because even though I can’t really afford it, it’s better than the alternative – homelessness. That just makes the problems and associated social ills – addiction, crime, etc. – worse. Worse for the whole family, for the community in which the ills are taking place. He’s still behind on rent but only by a month, and now he has a chance to catch up. So, he isn’t the only one relieved to find a job – his roommates are, his whole family. I’m sure his PO doesn’t really give a fuck; my brother is convinced his PO wants him to fail. But it’s a start.

I’m moving forward with the window and floor replacements at the house. The window is entirely new, they’re taking out a chunk of my wall for it. I decided on teak for the laminate flooring in the hallway and my room. My mother’s room – that she won’t use – will have to wait. I’ve already told her the mattress has to go by the time I’m moving in, as it stinks the whole room up. She won’t go mattress shopping with me, and I pointed out this was an obvious ploy on her part to appear as some kind of victim. I told her I’ll take it out myself if necessary. I bought her a new mattress, but she won’t put it on her bed. Her behavioral patterns are truly bewildering. A lot of it I have to put to a stop as soon as I move in. No mattresses in my dining room, that’s for the table I have planned. No mattresses on the floor in the living room. She has more places than me to sleep, including the 3rd bedroom/she-shed built on the front of the house.

Sounds easy but my mother is a master at manipulation and playing the victim. It’s very hard not to fall for it and react accordingly. The real trick is NEVER feeding into it, deep down that’s what she wants. I am really not looking forward to living with her again.