DBT
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I am absolutely plagued with flashbacks. I pull out everything in my arsenal…distraction, meditation, medication, music, writing, reading…I can’t concentrate on a movie. I tried, but I keep losing focus. It’s driving me crazy. Work is a heavy stressor. There are a lot of politics going on, and bickering among staff, and poor management. Yet…
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I started this blog a year ago today. Hard to believe a year has passed since I had a violent and devastating mental break from reality and tried to kill myself, ending up hauled into the hospital by police. I felt the need, later, to write it all down. The aftermath was intense as well.…
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I’m feeling pretty good. I get so much done. I ran around all morning. I don’t need as much sleep as other people. I’m thinking of another book. Some kind of sequel. I dropped 1000 dollars on a cruise next year, in June. It’s a land and cruise tour. The land portion is 4 days;…
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Today is my birthday. I’m 40 years old. I am amazed I’ve made it this far. I never would have imagined I’d make it to 40. But here I am, scarred but alive. My mother made me a special dinner to take to work. We are trying to get along. I’m soaking up this break…
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My mind is a swirling mess, so many anxious thoughts and visions of the future. So many triggers in my world despite my best efforts to mitigate them, to manage them, and use the therapy, so much therapy. When I want to sleep, I’m wide awake. I take the Gabapentin, Vistaril, Melatonin, sometimes Ativan. Force…
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A lot of firsts this week. A first week at work back at my house. A first night back at Sacred Heart with a new commute. I drove by the mental hospital as there is no avoiding it and forced myself not to look. Every time, I have to force myself not to look. It’s…
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Slowly and methodically, I’m going through my small house and clearing a lot of things out, and cleaning a lot. My mother is not as clean as she thinks she is so it’s been a whole spring cleaning style endeavor. I enjoy it, I can meditate while I do chores and look after the seven…
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I moved back into my house Thursday. My mother cancelled the BBQ she was planning because I was moving in. This heavily disappointed my brother as it was also his birthday. I started first thing in the morning, and I was done, movers were gone, by 2pm. I don’t understand why she cancelled. Other than…
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I have a crazy week in store. Tomorrow is the last normal day in my sweet downtown apartment. I’m calling the school because I have questions about my classes and I’ll probably do my laundry. Then I sleep before work and on Wednesday morning I meet the movers who will do a quick inventory –…
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Sometimes I am just floating, going through the motions, not sad or depressed or manic or anything. I exist in a state of melancholy. I use work to cope. I’m working 9 days this week, and I realize 9 days is more than a week but that’s just what it is. If I didn’t have…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 