Documenting my journey through the mental health system

While my mother was out of town – a rare occurrence – I took advantage of my time alone. I miss living alone, and spent it working on the house. I got rid of the dining room table I recently acquired – it’s just too big for the space. I got a small two-seater bistro style one instead. Off Temu – and it was easy to put together. My house looks infinitely better with it there, and more open.

I spent time outside working on my side yard too. It’s not really a yard – the side of my house lacks a sidewalk, and includes a paved parking space for visitors. The rest is gravel/dirt. I work on it whenever I can – I just like it scraped clean. It’s the entire property on the side of the house and carport though, so it’s a lot. I take out all the weeds, I blow it, I rake it, I spray it with roundup to prevent more weeds that keep coming. It looks really good now.

I spent time getting rid of things and putting other things in new locations. I got rid of clutter and though my mom will probably be irritated, I can do what I want. She was out of town visiting my other brother and his wife and their kids. She didn’t get to see them much but did stay a few extra days by the motel pool with my youngest brother. It’s been 100 degrees for a week now. I had to work but I loved my time at home alone and wish she would have stayed longer haha.

I’m toying with the idea of revamping her room while I’m not at school yet. Take everything out, rug doctor the shit out of the carpet, and put in a new bed. Would only take a few days. She will resist, say she’s “not ready” and has “all this other work.” But I don’t need her to do anything at all. It would be nice if she helped move all her stuff out but I don’t need her to. It’s just going right back in there after. It’s driving me crazy, she won’t use her room and doesn’t use the bed. She let my chronically puking cat destroy the carpet while I was moved out because she never shut the door to her room. Now it is shut and sealed off from the rest of the house and she will not use it. I don’t need her to, I just want it fixed. It vexes me as a stupid and annoying issue.

My medication must be doing something interesting because I have grandiose thoughts. Feeling like I am invincible, especially talented, singing a lot, and smarter than most around me. I see my doctor in the morning and he will ask if I think I need any med changes but I would say no. I don’t want to mess up a good thing. I haven’t felt this stable in possibly years. I might be a little manic, but I have it under control. I’m still taking the sleep meds to at least get a few hours a day. That’s mostly all I can manage.