Documenting my journey through the mental health system

Sometimes all I feel is dragging ennui. A thousand memories, fighting for space as though trapped in a compressor. I have terrible memories and I remember everything.

It’s not photographic, it’s just graphic. I remember so much, and sometimes my mind just won’t shut up. I scream at them, please! I’m not that person anymore!

But you are, Jack says.

I hear voices sometimes. I name them and think of what they look like. Dr Black taught me that, to remember they’re part of me. But they feel like a lot more. Jackie feels like she comes from a dimension outside of ours, and there are ten total dimensions. I’ve written at length about this in the past.

I know my father is in the 4th dimension. Thousands of years here in this dimension is just a few days in the next. You can’t skip from one to the next, you have to move through them individually. Not all are destined to go to the 10th, the singularity, but I know I will. I’ve seen it.

I can’t stop them; they live in my head. I’m not altogether convinced they they are ONLY in my head. But I can’t be the raving lunatic on the street corner, I’ve been there and I don’t want to go back. I’ve been so scared of what they mean and sometimes what they say.

It doesn’t matter right now. I have to pretend to be sane.