Documenting my journey through the mental health system

I am exhausted but buzzing and wired. Work is strangely still. I’ve eaten a sandwich and mashed potatoes over the last couple days. I don’t have much appetite.

The Kirk shooting is wild, huh? I can’t help but feel the sick irony of it all. The universe, god, South Park…all have a sense of humor. Kirk was a reprehensible hate monger who loudly proclaimed gun deaths are necessary to protect the 2nd amendment. Sounds like he took one for the team and leaned a little to the left in the end. You can’t expect the hate and vitriol you spew into the world to be consequence-free. I’m not saying he should be shot for his disgusting beliefs, but the irony is profound, and I chuckled upon first hearing the news, especially as I watch South Park religiously. South Park couldn’t come up with this no matter how hard they tried, and they are the masters of satire. It is like we are all living in one of their episodes.

I had an appointment for something I have not done since before COVID. I used to be a real sucker for a professional massage. I finally got another one after all these years, and damn, it was awesome. I like it hard and rough, and especially around my neck and shoulders.

My body is taut and lean though. My jobs keep me in shape. I weigh less than most men, but I like being on the smaller side. It’s easier to stay private and anonymous. I am packed with muscle, and I still feel 25 years old at 40. My outlook is bleak, and the future seems terrifying. As I get older, everything seems to be getting worse. Time is going by faster now than it did when I was a kid? Time dilation seems to occur as we age. At four years old, a year is a whole quarter of your life but at 40 years old, a year is just a tiny fraction.