Documenting my journey through the mental health system

Sometimes all you can hang onto are the little things. I got up early despite my meds making me feel a little groggy. I went to bed at 1am and actually slept until 8am, only waking up twice in the night, but able to fall back asleep. This new sleeping med, Lunesta, is helping. I can only take it some days though. During the work week I have IOP so I’m only getting a few hours of sleep those days. Once I’m off, and if I’m not doing any per diems, I take that little pill and get some real sleep. I’ve been a severe insomniac all my life. My mother couldn’t even nap me as a child.

I’ve got a cup of coffee and my cat is purring next to me. It isn’t much but sometimes that’s all there to hold onto. No one is talking to me in my head. The flashbacks are faded in color and sound. I don’t have a TV but I have music. I cleaned my apartment yesterday and finished a scrapbooking piece I’ve been putting off over a month. I might even try to read later, see if I can improve my shitty concentration.

I am NOT looking forward to winter. Makes my depression go into overdrive. But counter-intuitively, I love the north and living in Washington. I’m in an area with resources. There are much worse places to be. The VA gave me a light to shine on myself each day, it’s supposed to help with depression. I also take vitamin D.

I’m supposed to work tonight, a per diem for an agency. But the last few shifts I had with them got canceled, and of course they only give two hours’ notice. So, I’m doubtful I’ll actually be there. First, I have some errands to run. I like driving. Saturday morning, I have the freeway all to myself. And next week, I might have a date.