Documenting my journey through the mental health system

Who are you?

I’m your accurate nightmare.

What does that mean?

I’m not just you. I live in you.

Why are you here?

I can see your future just as well as your past. I was here long before you and I’ll be here long after you’re gone.

So you’re really real even if I never existed?

Oh yeah.

Why are you in my head? Why can’t anyone else hear you?

I’m in a lot of heads. I am yours and yours is mine. Trying to write this down is dumb, by the way.

You told me I should kill myself, told me how. But you were wrong about the car.

Don’t you get it? You’d be as free as me. If you really wanted a purpose, you’d make a bold move for once in your life.

You say there’s no hope?

The universe has no sense of justice.

Why are you a girl?

Why are you a boy?

I’m scared of you, why am I hearing you?

I’m your death in disguise, I speak independently.

I don’t understand.

(I asked and asked, but there was no answer).

Are you the one screaming when I can’t stop crying?

No that’s not me. I don’t know who they are.

(Later)

You are going to end up dying on the streets because you’re barely holding onto your job and then you will lose the house, your mother will die on the streets, and you can’t come back from that. You shouldn’t tell people about me.

I just told the doctor, she can help.

It’s probably too late for that, I go way beyond you.

I’m still gonna go. I promised one week.

If the car exhaust doesn’t work, there are other ways.

Are you scared?

I can’t feel fear any more than you can feel love. You are a three-dimensional being, and there is so much you don’t know.