Documenting my journey through the mental health system

I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom. I can feel the sadness like a fog rolling in, consuming everything, suffocating and thick. There is no escape, only the futile search for something that will dull the edges, if only for a moment. -Edgar Allan Poe, Letters