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I got some things packed into new storage bins designed to slide under the bed. Wholesale emptying things out, keeping little. But my closet is full of beautiful clothes. I’ve ALWAYS loved fashion. I like to push the boundaries of fashion. I have both thrift store finds and really high end boutique stuff. I’m particularly
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Now I have to have the discipline to structure and occupy the time I have to myself. By myself. I’ve struggled with this in the past – it’s why I thrived in a military environment and why I work almost every night – I like to have a structure. I respond well to that. It’s
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Today I get my new living room light fixture installed. My coworker has a lot of experience with stuff like this so he’s doing it for me. Ceila invited me to her bonfire/barbecue tonight. The weather is unusually warm for the pacific northwest. As I type that, the weather just took a turn toward rain
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At last, after a marathon of 60-hour work weeks the last three months, I’m taking a week off. I don’t have to be back at work till next Thursday. I am anxious about my flooring project. I still haven’t heard from my installation coordinator. I worry they won’t be able to do it in time.
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My new job wants to promote me. I’m not sure if I’ve already mentioned this, but there is a senior CNA position opening up and they put me in the class required for the promotion. I will have an expanded scope of practice which isn’t saying much because our scope is always limited. But I
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I have terrible visions. Not just flashbacks, though that’s part of it. They play in my head like a movie, vivid and painful. I also see things. I can see the future, my future. I can see flashes of police and more imprisonment in hospitals. Subjecting me to weird experiments and injections. I am rather
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The publisher just let me know I’ll receive the whole book, edits and formatting and corrections complete, for my final review. It includes the cover design by my friend Mike, and the acknowledgment and dedication. I’m amazed it’s happening. Makes me motivated to keep writing, I suppose. I’m absolutely flat as a pancake. I have
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I forced myself to engage in the DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skill: building positive experiences – and got up early to go to a comedy show with Ceila. I’m hammered with triggers at work. Currently my formerly catatonic patient is back in restraints for violence, and I have a patient almost identical to me in
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They say you can control your mind, your emotions, your thoughts and how we respond to the things that happen to us. What a crock of shit. I have always felt like a prisoner of my own mind. During a manic phase, I am certain of my superiority and special knowledge known only to me.
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I spent 150 dollars on temu. I got 6 free items, I have to claim them one a day, one at a time. I fuckin love Temu. I am blank and feel weird and floaty. I’m trying to stay grounded by focusing on my house, so a lot of what I got on temu was
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Documenting my journey through the mental health system 