• The Shit Clock

    The Shit Clock

    Everything is moving so fast. I’ve got wall washers coming because of all the dust from the hardwood restoration. That’s gonna go over real well with my mom, haha…and what does she care? She hates my house. I’ve got Lowes on the way to pick up my unused and unwanted laminate. I did use some…

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  • IOP and DBT in the Family

    My house is really coming together. The restored hardwood looks amazing. It even smells good. He still has to add transitions – built in wood “lips” at the transitions from the hall to the bathroom and the hall to the kitchen. Then I’ll be adding the trim – that I already have because I bought…

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  • Worse than Death

    Worse than Death

    There are some things worse than death. I witness it every night at work and probably get a little secondhand trauma from seeing some of the horrible shit people go through. Dementia and acute delirium is a case in point. Gone are the things that made you who you were. You are a human shell;…

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  • Labile Mood and Distraction

    What is it about the labile mood? And how does it affect my bipolar disorder and its manic highs and lows? Sometimes this labile mood presents with intensity and is distressing. It’s almost a daily oscillation when I miss a dose of my mood stabilizer or there are triggers in the environment. It’s not the…

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  • Finished Product

    Finished Product

    The book is now live, under paperback and hardback formats only (not kindle, yet). Here is a link: In the Darkness of Hope I’m negotiating a lower price with the publisher and Amazon; I would not charge 25 for a paperback. It is the cost of printing, but there are ways to reduce it down…

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  • Book Cover

    Book Cover

    My book – the first 120 or so posts in this blog – is under Amazon’s required three-day review before being posted as available. Here is the book cover, front and back: I have second guessed myself, edited over and over, and still kept finding things to improve or change. That could go on forever.…

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  • Oscar-Worthy

    My flat affect continues. People think I’m depressed but I don’t really feel depressed. Maybe a little stressed out. If there are feelings to feel, my Sacred Heart job certainly makes me feel them. So many triggers which still, maddeningly, push my limits and make me question all my life choices. I like healthcare, I…

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  • Senior CNA

    Senior CNA

    I am about to take my meds. For days I have been neither depressed nor happy. I am going through the motions, doing the things I need to do. I have to talk to people sometimes. I take care of the patients. I had a specialist look at my floor. The bright blues I painted…

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  • Floor Twist

    When my floor installer ripped out the carpet, beautiful 50 year old hardwood was revealed. Fucking boomers. It’s in excellent condition, just needs cleaned up, sanded, and sealed. Something I can easily hire out. Even if I wanted my new flooring, they can’t continue with the project because the hallway portion had some kind of…

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  • End of Life

    End of Life

    Last night and today was a long day. I took ALL my sleep meds plus Seroquel to try to quiet the voices and calm my anxiety. When I was in the mental hospital, Seroquel quieted my overactive mind. Tonight, I am particularly tired and worn down. I still did not sleep that great and woke…

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