• Chameleon

    Chameleon

    I’m hearing voices. “No one cares if you live or die.” They just keep saying that. I’m stressed about it. “You will die alone.” What would Dr Black say? Don’t fight it, don’t fight them, play therapist. We all die alone and that’s okay. They don’t listen to me when I say anything. They tell…

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  • I spent all morning waiting on my laminate flooring only to learn of a miscommunication and now I won’t get it till tomorrow morning and it is so irritating. I wasted three hours of my life sitting around. I had to remember my anger management/IOP skills for anger and supreme irritation. Sometimes therapy feels like…

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  • Am I Normal?

    Am I Normal?

    Is this what normal feels like? I know, I know, a problematic term. Who is really normal? I get it. But you know what I mean. We know what normal looks like. People who function, are rational, don’t hear voices, don’t try to kill themselves. When well-adjusted people go through life, they tend to finish…

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  • Distress Tolerance

    Distress Tolerance

    I expect to be able to approve the final draft in the next day or two. The publisher is waiting on it. I am digging deep into the IOP/DBT skills for distress tolerance. I have stressors on all sides. My mother, my house, my Sacred Heart job and all its constant triggers. Being a federal…

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  • Just Another Love Song

    I sang last night and heard a new song I want to learn. It’s challenging with a wide range, and I already know I can do it. The song is Love on the Brain by Rihanna. Normally not my style, but it’s soulful and catchy. A love song and I have never felt love. I…

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  • Publishing Imminent

    Publishing Imminent

    My last night off. Tonight, I intend to sing, it’s my last chance. I’m trying to get Ceila to come with me. My book – the first roughly 120 posts of this blog – was sent back in final form from the publisher. Acknowledgment and dedication have been added. I am re-reading it, again, looking…

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  • Evening and Morning

    Evening and Morning

    I managed to get out of my apartment for a little bit. I drove around, soaking in the heat of my car. It warmed up to 70 today. I took my brother to a dentist appointment. He is having a variety of health and dental issues. Dental issues are common for those on suboxone. There’s…

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  • Downsizing and Black Mirror

    I got some things packed into new storage bins designed to slide under the bed. Wholesale emptying things out, keeping little. But my closet is full of beautiful clothes. I’ve ALWAYS loved fashion. I like to push the boundaries of fashion. I have both thrift store finds and really high end boutique stuff. I’m particularly…

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  • Disciplining my Anxiety?

    Now I have to have the discipline to structure and occupy the time I have to myself. By myself. I’ve struggled with this in the past – it’s why I thrived in a military environment and why I work almost every night – I like to have a structure. I respond well to that. It’s…

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  • My Mind on My Time Off

    My Mind on My Time Off

    Today I get my new living room light fixture installed. My coworker has a lot of experience with stuff like this so he’s doing it for me. Ceila invited me to her bonfire/barbecue tonight. The weather is unusually warm for the pacific northwest. As I type that, the weather just took a turn toward rain…

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