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I sang last night and heard a new song I want to learn. It’s challenging with a wide range, and I already know I can do it. The song is Love on the Brain by Rihanna. Normally not my style, but it’s soulful and catchy. A love song and I have never felt love. I…
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My last night off. Tonight, I intend to sing, it’s my last chance. I’m trying to get Ceila to come with me. My book – the first roughly 120 posts of this blog – was sent back in final form from the publisher. Acknowledgment and dedication have been added. I am re-reading it, again, looking…
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I managed to get out of my apartment for a little bit. I drove around, soaking in the heat of my car. It warmed up to 70 today. I took my brother to a dentist appointment. He is having a variety of health and dental issues. Dental issues are common for those on suboxone. There’s…
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I got some things packed into new storage bins designed to slide under the bed. Wholesale emptying things out, keeping little. But my closet is full of beautiful clothes. I’ve ALWAYS loved fashion. I like to push the boundaries of fashion. I have both thrift store finds and really high end boutique stuff. I’m particularly…
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Now I have to have the discipline to structure and occupy the time I have to myself. By myself. I’ve struggled with this in the past – it’s why I thrived in a military environment and why I work almost every night – I like to have a structure. I respond well to that. It’s…
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Today I get my new living room light fixture installed. My coworker has a lot of experience with stuff like this so he’s doing it for me. Ceila invited me to her bonfire/barbecue tonight. The weather is unusually warm for the pacific northwest. As I type that, the weather just took a turn toward rain…
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At last, after a marathon of 60-hour work weeks the last three months, I’m taking a week off. I don’t have to be back at work till next Thursday. I am anxious about my flooring project. I still haven’t heard from my installation coordinator. I worry they won’t be able to do it in time.…
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My new job wants to promote me. I’m not sure if I’ve already mentioned this, but there is a senior CNA position opening up and they put me in the class required for the promotion. I will have an expanded scope of practice which isn’t saying much because our scope is always limited. But I…
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I have terrible visions. Not just flashbacks, though that’s part of it. They play in my head like a movie, vivid and painful. I also see things. I can see the future, my future. I can see flashes of police and more imprisonment in hospitals. Subjecting me to weird experiments and injections. I am rather…
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The publisher just let me know I’ll receive the whole book, edits and formatting and corrections complete, for my final review. It includes the cover design by my friend Mike, and the acknowledgment and dedication. I’m amazed it’s happening. Makes me motivated to keep writing, I suppose. I’m absolutely flat as a pancake. I have…
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Documenting my journey through the mental health system 