Documenting my journey through the mental health system

Not as paranoid as I was. It felt, for a minute, like I was being watched. I still think old powers are at play, that never left. Maybe I’m being successful in my desire to stay out of any radar.

I’m trying to maintain my momentum. I have started my third accelerated quarter, biostatistics and occupational/environmental health. I have finished the week’s assignments with relative ease; however, the reading is overwhelming. The same momentum applies to everything else – work, house, the changing seasons. Everything is moving ahead so fast.

I still ask myself why? – in regard to this master’s degree. Where will our public health infrastructure be? Does anyone care? I’ll come away from this even more cynical than I am now. A public health leader is reviled and unwanted today. Yet my urge to finish overwhelming. I always wanted my master’s degree but was afraid for the last decade to try again. I have had an especially hard time being functional as it is, even with the best medication and doctors. Sometimes just going to work is an impossible task.

I stay ahead of schedule though. I have a strict routine. I don’t mind minor deviations, but every day is largely planned. I make a trip to Idaho every week for the cheap gas and liquor. That is always on a Friday or Saturday. I also do laundry every other day. And during every minute of down time at work, I am doing schoolwork. The last 6 weeks, every few Fridays, I’d meet my best friend Mike (he designed my book cover and is a tattoo artist) to work on the tattoo on my back – a cover up of his original that sucked because he didn’t know what he was doing yet. It’s a good story, it all came full circle. And of course his design is absolutely wicked.

And I don’t care what they say – tattoos hurt. And yes it hurt like hell.