Documenting my journey through the mental health system

Well, we’re doing it. A little DIY detox.

I did some research. The best thing to do is get as far into withdrawals as possible. After that, four milligrams of Ativan, as well as a B complex vitamin and a benzo-free anti-anxiety med, Hydroxyzine. Maybe a sleeping pill but depends – those can lower respirations too much. I would know, I tried to kill myself with enough drugs and liquor to lower respirations to a lethal level. I have everything he needs. On the second day, three milligrams of Ativan and another dose of vitamins and Hydroxyzine. On the third day, one milligram of Ativan with the same vitamins and Hydroxyzine. After that the alcohol should be out of his system. The risk of delirium tremens goes way down, a lethal side effect of alcohol withdrawal.

The real struggle is after he’s done with drinking. Addiction isn’t the disease, it’s the cure. It’s a coping mechanism like any other, good and bad. The real disease comes after as you address the things that made you drink or use in the first place. The real disease is mental.

My brother has been an addict nearly all his life. He got off the worst of them – heroin. But he has bounced from one drug to another, in particular, risky research chemicals off the internet. Now he’s resorted to alcohol and using someone else’s piss for his probation UAs.

For such a drug guy, he sure doesn’t know his limit. He drinks in total excess, getting defensive and belligerent if you suggest slowing down or stopping because he’s drunk enough. No, he’ll just keep drinking. I’ve told him so many times how much he sucks at alcohol. Can’t hold his liquor for shit.

But he insists he can’t be sober. No matter what. I find this to be an eye-rolling, full of shit statement. He CAN be sober, just chooses not to. I know it sucks, I’ve been on a similar probation, banned from everything. Going through IOP, raw-dogging reality except for a heavy cocktail of bipolar drugs. It sucks but it’s temporary. I told him if he doesn’t do something, he’s going to go back to jail. It’s only a matter of time till his PO catches him with his pants down.

So, this DIY detox is the plan. He’s at least able to admit now it’s a major issue. He’s downing nearly a fifth a day. Even I didn’t realize it was getting this bad.

I’m dropping off the drugs with his roommate and there’s not much more I can do. He has a few roommates who know the situation and what’s going on. I’ll be back the next day with the next dose. I dispense the meds, I guess is my only role. He knows he can’t dispense them to himself because he can’t stop himself from taking them all at once. At least he has that much self-awareness.

His PO makes him go to therapy/treatment five days a week. As part of mental health court, his requirements are even more strict than mine were. This makes it particularly hard to hold a job. That worries me a lot because if he loses his housing, I’m sure that will fall back on me.