medication

  • Hypomania

    Hypomania

    Holy shit! I got so much done yesterday after IOP. I cleaned my whole apartment, made a giant pot of mashed potatoes, did my laundry, cleaned up part of my closet and got rid of a bunch of things to sell/donate. My energy load continued into the late afternoon, and after 4pm, I had officially

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  • Psychiatric Hospitalization, Fall 2023, Part 6

    During my second week in the hospital, I finally called my mother. What a disaster. I had been stabilizing pretty well on medication changes and Dr Floura’s careful dialing in of the right doses and times. I had learned a lot about myself and that this depression was largely existential in nature, exacerbated by my

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  • Dream a Little Dream of Me

    Dream a Little Dream of Me

    I could not sleep today. I take the meds, I make a bedtime ritual, I try hot showers and meditation and even masturbation but today I could not sleep. When I finally did, I had terrible dreams. I take a medication, prazosin, for bad dreams but it can only do so much. Pills only pack

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  • Psychiatric Hospitalization, Fall 2023, Part 5

    “How are you doing?” “I’m good, I’m good. I called my brother; I need his help. I can’t do it alone anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my living situation. I want to move out. I think I’ll move out.” “How about the meds, any side effects?” “Just from that artane

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  • Journal Entries, Psychiatric Hospitalization 2023

    As I started to stabilize just slightly, inching a little closer toward cautious optimism, I had a terrible reaction to a medication that was supposed to help me with extrapyramidal symptoms. What follows is some of my writings while psychotic. I don’t remember writing any of it.

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  • Military Life

    My time in the military was simultaneously awesome and grueling. I excelled in basic training, earning squad leader for a time and exceeding standards on marksmanship, hand to hand combat, and attention to detail. This continued in AIT (advanced individual training) where I learned my job – signal corps. I was manning radios and using

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  • Intensive Outpatient – Week 3, Emotion Regulation

    I’ve been experiencing an upswing, an increase in hypomanic symptoms. I am not lost in the sauce yet, but I am hearing voices every day if I don’t take a PRN seroquel for it, and my libido is insatiable despite meds commonly known to kill sex drive. In my psychologist appointment with Dr Black this

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  • Psychiatric Hospitalization, Fall 2023, Part 4

    My first few days in the hospital passed in a blur, a fog of medication adjustments, sluggish pacing, and intermittent crying. I felt most suicidal, yet safe. At least that’s what I reported in my daily nursing assessments. It’s a strange juxtaposition of feeling – that given the chance, I would kill myself, yet in

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  • Flashbacks

    Flashbacks

    Flashbacks are strong today. I can still feel the police grabbing me, pulling me out of my apartment and I can still feel the panic I felt in the ER, the overwhelming desire to run, and doing so. I can still feel the straps around my wrists and ankles when they strapped me down. It’s

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