medication
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I’ve been reading a book popular in psychology circles and recommended to me by numerous doctors and therapists. The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It’s thick and complicated and right up my alley. Triggering, too. He’s talking about the patients in psych wards and hospitals in which he’s worked. Talking about…
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So sensitive to noise. Every crash and bang startles me. Reminds me of the mental hospital, all the cacophony and slamming of doors. But I’m getting through it. The meds deaden my response. I’m not cycling so hard. I have short lived mood swings, especially if I miss my meds even one day. That did…
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I really need a haircut. It’s grown past my eyes and to my shoulders, almost. The 20th anniversary of Rob Zombie’s The Devil’s Rejects is Monday and is playing in certain theaters as s special screening event. I’m not going to work; I am going to go see it. That movie goes hard and is…
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I have been off, but trying to bounce out of it. My charge nurse and coworker asked if I’d been taking my meds. I have! But I have been overwhelmed and frustrated with a lot. I am killing it, though. Despite the government shutdown, 97% of VA employees will work and continue to get paid…
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I have a manic patient. I am simultaneously triggered and yet in my element. I had so much training. Experience. I was able to calm the patient before sedatives. I told Ceila about the flashbacks. They just don’t stop. Told her about the visions of the future I get, but not in great detail. She…
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I am absolutely plagued with flashbacks. I pull out everything in my arsenal…distraction, meditation, medication, music, writing, reading…I can’t concentrate on a movie. I tried, but I keep losing focus. It’s driving me crazy. Work is a heavy stressor. There are a lot of politics going on, and bickering among staff, and poor management. Yet…
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This is so fucked up. The flashbacks won’t stop. Even in my dreams. Surreal nightmares of being locked up, tied down, and screaming in fear and despair. I am spared the horrible task of sitting with a suicidal patient tonight. I am often spared because some of my coworkers know my history. I can’t even…
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I fucked up. I had an appointment with my psych doctor, who prescribes my meds. I set my alarm and didn’t think I would actually sleep; I have not been sleeping much lately. But I did sleep…for three hours. Not much, but I slept right through my alarm and missed my appointment. Now I have…
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While my mother was out of town – a rare occurrence – I took advantage of my time alone. I miss living alone, and spent it working on the house. I got rid of the dining room table I recently acquired – it’s just too big for the space. I got a small two-seater bistro…
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I started this blog a year ago today. Hard to believe a year has passed since I had a violent and devastating mental break from reality and tried to kill myself, ending up hauled into the hospital by police. I felt the need, later, to write it all down. The aftermath was intense as well.…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 