medication
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I woke up slowly, wrapped in blankets up to my neck. I blinked and looked around and tried to roll over. This took monumental effort, and I didn’t get very far. I tried looking around. The room was spinning, and I moaned – the room was bare, white, small, and empty save the bed I
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“They’ll never let you go.” My eyes flew open at the voice. No one was in the room. My head was throbbing and I was confused, not remembering where I’d been taken the day before and where I was. “You will be their guinea pig. They’re going to experiment on you,” the ominous voice said
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I detailed in depth the story of my very recent detainment, violent and traumatic. I’m still dealing with flashbacks and bad dreams. It triggered a lot of other older, terrifying memories of the first time I was detained 10 years ago. That too was violent and traumatic. And I really hoped it would never happen
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An elopement risk sign was added to the outside of the main doors because of my sleepwalking and attempts to get out, futile as they were. I was directed back to bed twice in the night but the second time Jake woke me up in the hall, pushing my shoulder and jumping back in case
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I was sleepwalking every night. But Sunday morning came after I woke in the hall again, startled and confused. Jake took me back to my room and encouraged me to sleep the remaining two hours till vitals. I didn’t think I could but woke up when he came in with the vitals machine and my
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Pages from the journal I maintained in a desperate bid to hold onto sanity.
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Saturday morning, I took a long overdue shower right after vitals. I wasn’t even allowed to brush my teeth without supervision, and this was no different, but they sat in the room to give me as much privacy as possible. I sat on the floor of the shower, water getting all over the bathroom floor
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Friday night dragged on, a nurse or MHT in my room to check me every 5 minutes. Looking into my eyes, saying my name. Writing something on their clipboard. I laid there, staring at the ceiling, waiting for that black hole to swallow me up. I remember lying awake and unable to move for most
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I will just lay here and die. That is the last thing I thought as I was put into my suicide blanket after being forced to put on the suicide smock. I will just lay here and wait to die. “Five minute room checks while awake, 15 minute room checks while asleep, and we sweep
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 