depression
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There are some things worse than death. I witness it every night at work and probably get a little secondhand trauma from seeing some of the horrible shit people go through. Dementia and acute delirium is a case in point. Gone are the things that made you who you were. You are a human shell;…
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What is it about the labile mood? And how does it affect my bipolar disorder and its manic highs and lows? Sometimes this labile mood presents with intensity and is distressing. It’s almost a daily oscillation when I miss a dose of my mood stabilizer or there are triggers in the environment. It’s not the…
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The book is now live, under paperback and hardback formats only (not kindle, yet). Here is a link: In the Darkness of Hope I’m negotiating a lower price with the publisher and Amazon; I would not charge 25 for a paperback. It is the cost of printing, but there are ways to reduce it down…
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My flat affect continues. People think I’m depressed but I don’t really feel depressed. Maybe a little stressed out. If there are feelings to feel, my Sacred Heart job certainly makes me feel them. So many triggers which still, maddeningly, push my limits and make me question all my life choices. I like healthcare, I…
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I am about to take my meds. For days I have been neither depressed nor happy. I am going through the motions, doing the things I need to do. I have to talk to people sometimes. I take care of the patients. I had a specialist look at my floor. The bright blues I painted…
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Last night and today was a long day. I took ALL my sleep meds plus Seroquel to try to quiet the voices and calm my anxiety. When I was in the mental hospital, Seroquel quieted my overactive mind. Tonight, I am particularly tired and worn down. I still did not sleep that great and woke…
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I’m hearing voices. “No one cares if you live or die.” They just keep saying that. I’m stressed about it. “You will die alone.” What would Dr Black say? Don’t fight it, don’t fight them, play therapist. We all die alone and that’s okay. They don’t listen to me when I say anything. They tell…
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Is this what normal feels like? I know, I know, a problematic term. Who is really normal? I get it. But you know what I mean. We know what normal looks like. People who function, are rational, don’t hear voices, don’t try to kill themselves. When well-adjusted people go through life, they tend to finish…
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I sang last night and heard a new song I want to learn. It’s challenging with a wide range, and I already know I can do it. The song is Love on the Brain by Rihanna. Normally not my style, but it’s soulful and catchy. A love song and I have never felt love. I…
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I managed to get out of my apartment for a little bit. I drove around, soaking in the heat of my car. It warmed up to 70 today. I took my brother to a dentist appointment. He is having a variety of health and dental issues. Dental issues are common for those on suboxone. There’s…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 