depression
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“How are you doing?” “I’m good, I’m good. I called my brother; I need his help. I can’t do it alone anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my living situation. I want to move out. I think I’ll move out.” “How about the meds, any side effects?” “Just from that artane…
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As I started to stabilize just slightly, inching a little closer toward cautious optimism, I had a terrible reaction to a medication that was supposed to help me with extrapyramidal symptoms. What follows is some of my writings while psychotic. I don’t remember writing any of it.
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I’m trying not to live in the past. I know I bring it up a lot, these flashbacks. I can’t help it. The memories are powerful and paralyzing. 10 years ago…even those memories are powerful and immobilizing. I’m not sure how to move on. I got out two months ago and sometimes it’s like it…
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I’ve been experiencing an upswing, an increase in hypomanic symptoms. I am not lost in the sauce yet, but I am hearing voices every day if I don’t take a PRN seroquel for it, and my libido is insatiable despite meds commonly known to kill sex drive. In my psychologist appointment with Dr Black this…
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Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you,…
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My first few days in the hospital passed in a blur, a fog of medication adjustments, sluggish pacing, and intermittent crying. I felt most suicidal, yet safe. At least that’s what I reported in my daily nursing assessments. It’s a strange juxtaposition of feeling – that given the chance, I would kill myself, yet in…
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Sometimes all you can hang onto are the little things. I got up early despite my meds making me feel a little groggy. I went to bed at 1am and actually slept until 8am, only waking up twice in the night, but able to fall back asleep. This new sleeping med, Lunesta, is helping. I…
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Flashbacks are strong today. I can still feel the police grabbing me, pulling me out of my apartment and I can still feel the panic I felt in the ER, the overwhelming desire to run, and doing so. I can still feel the straps around my wrists and ankles when they strapped me down. It’s…
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I still remember quite clearly my first morning in the hospital. I woke up after restless, fitful sleep, in which I was frequently startled awake by room checks. I just wanted coffee, so I went to the dining room. The kitchen would bring a large carafe of coffee in the mornings and it would be…
