anxiety
-
A person with strong suicidal ideation reached out to me. I too have passive suicidal ideation so I feel there is little I can say. Here is what I said: I just got out of the mental hospital. I tried killing myself in it. They made me wear an anti-suicide smock, took my bedding and
-
There is a kind of sadness that comes from knowing too much, from seeing the world as it truly is. It is the sadness of understanding that life is not a grand adventure, but a series of small, insignificant moments; that love is not a fairy tale, but a fragile, fleeting emotion; that happiness is
-
I visit my mother every Saturday. That is all I can manage. I bring her rum, cigarettes, and lots of diet coke and some lunch. We eat together. She complains about always being alone. Forced to work, etc, etc. I am exhausted. She is an emotional vampire. I know I’m enabling. I don’t care. I
-
During my second week in the hospital, I finally called my mother. What a disaster. I had been stabilizing pretty well on medication changes and Dr Floura’s careful dialing in of the right doses and times. I had learned a lot about myself and that this depression was largely existential in nature, exacerbated by my
-
Week four of IOP and probably one of the more important modules, at least for me, is about to close tomorrow – Emotion Regulation. I have really struggled with some of the concepts and incorporating them into daily life. One exercise involved drawing concentric circles and in the inner, writing the emotions we do not
-
I could not sleep today. I take the meds, I make a bedtime ritual, I try hot showers and meditation and even masturbation but today I could not sleep. When I finally did, I had terrible dreams. I take a medication, prazosin, for bad dreams but it can only do so much. Pills only pack
-
“How are you doing?” “I’m good, I’m good. I called my brother; I need his help. I can’t do it alone anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my living situation. I want to move out. I think I’ll move out.” “How about the meds, any side effects?” “Just from that artane
-
As I started to stabilize just slightly, inching a little closer toward cautious optimism, I had a terrible reaction to a medication that was supposed to help me with extrapyramidal symptoms. What follows is some of my writings while psychotic. I don’t remember writing any of it.
-
I’m trying not to live in the past. I know I bring it up a lot, these flashbacks. I can’t help it. The memories are powerful and paralyzing. 10 years ago…even those memories are powerful and immobilizing. I’m not sure how to move on. I got out two months ago and sometimes it’s like it
-
I’ve been experiencing an upswing, an increase in hypomanic symptoms. I am not lost in the sauce yet, but I am hearing voices every day if I don’t take a PRN seroquel for it, and my libido is insatiable despite meds commonly known to kill sex drive. In my psychologist appointment with Dr Black this
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 