anxiety
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It’s Monday and feels so strange because it’s the first Monday in three months I don’t have IOP or an appointment with Dr Black. I’ve been working on – at least in my mind – my house. In my mind I plan all kinds of plans and on my phone I do all kinds of…
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Build mastery – the art of staying busy with tasks and chores to distract from the ever present sense of dread and fear and anguish. I’m write sardonically, of course, but it’s true. It’s literally a DBT skill in which you try to exert control over the environment around you, clean yourself up, clean up…
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For now, my “journey” through both civilian and veteran mental health systems is at the maintenance phase. I have graduated IOP as of the end of the year. I could have done more time and the VA likely would have paid for it, but I felt ready, and I also liked how it closed out…
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A bittersweet day. I finished my episode of care with Dr Black and after that, went to my last day of IOP, where I graduated silently. I have all kinds of mixed emotions. At least I am feeling again, at least somewhat. I feel a nervous sense of trepidation, like a kid learning to ride…
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Well that didn’t take long. At first I was a rock star. I came on the floor and it was a madhouse. There were several call lights at once and an incoming admit. I answered the lights and attempted to seek out the person I was relieving to get a report. The admit came, alcoholic…
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My feelings wheel is a guide to help me figure out what I’m feeling. Sometimes I just can’t tell. The feelings wheel is not giving me much guidance today. I cannot tell what I feel. Nothing, there is nothing. The mood stabilizer is likely making me flat and blank. I am having flashbacks and stare…
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Dialectical behavior therapy – two things can be true at once. I am dreading moving back home because my mother is very hard to live with, yet I also somehow am excited to get back and take control. I often have conflicting thoughts, confusion about who I am. This is a borderline trait. I am…
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On Friday morning last week, I finally had to demonstrate my competency so they could check me off and fill the hospital and legal requirement to be competent in quick release knots for restraints. I had a couple days to mentally prepare. I came to the office of the unit manager, and there she was,…
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I had a couple days off, but my weekend was rough. I started getting a headache Friday afternoon which morphed into a migraine later. I took Advil and Ativan, knowing it was probably from lack of sleep – I had worked the night before and had not been to bed yet. I always puke when…
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During IOP process hour yesterday morning, I was more forthcoming about my difficulty with depersonalization and dissociation. I go back in time to painful memories, past traumas, the things that give me PTSD and sometimes keep me up at night. I’ve tried to use the coping skills I’ve learned to get through it – grounding,…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 