anxiety
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Dialectical behavior therapy – two things can be true at once. I am dreading moving back home because my mother is very hard to live with, yet I also somehow am excited to get back and take control. I often have conflicting thoughts, confusion about who I am. This is a borderline trait. I am
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On Friday morning last week, I finally had to demonstrate my competency so they could check me off and fill the hospital and legal requirement to be competent in quick release knots for restraints. I had a couple days to mentally prepare. I came to the office of the unit manager, and there she was,
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I had a couple days off, but my weekend was rough. I started getting a headache Friday afternoon which morphed into a migraine later. I took Advil and Ativan, knowing it was probably from lack of sleep – I had worked the night before and had not been to bed yet. I always puke when
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During IOP process hour yesterday morning, I was more forthcoming about my difficulty with depersonalization and dissociation. I go back in time to painful memories, past traumas, the things that give me PTSD and sometimes keep me up at night. I’ve tried to use the coping skills I’ve learned to get through it – grounding,
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The core of it, the core of so much suffering, aggravation, anxiety, and despair, is the inner critic – that voice inside that tells you how stupid and ugly and unlikable you are, how you never get anything right, how you’ll always be a failure. It’s a shadow that follows you around, no one can
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I’m developing a routine and process in my new job. The floor is intense and busy with very sick patients. I get a lot of crazy looking vital signs like high blood pressures, low blood pressures, and low oxygen saturations. I’ve got patients in a lot of pain. There are kidney transplant patients and right
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Everyone knows of it – the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Everyone grieves something – lost family/friends, a lost job, lost opportunities, lost hope. No one goes through the five stages in a linear fashion and in fact, we as humans are all over the place. I realized as we talked
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My weekend was rough. I did not sleep much before work Saturday but I made it to work. It is very surreal, this new job. I’ll get into that in a bit. My mother came back Sunday morning and I picked her up from the airport. I had been at my house, giving it a
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Sometimes I get so discouraged. In IOP, in work, in life, in everything. Today I felt discouraged in IOP. I have before, worried it was too much to take in at once, that I would not be able to get better at the different coping skills, that others would get better while I stagnated. I
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My mother is having a little bit of a meltdown and left town. She’s in Portland right now. I mean, on the one hand, good for her. She needed a change of scenery, and god knows I can’t get her to do any of the things she used to do and I can’t make her
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 