anxiety
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I’m leaving early tonight and hanging out with Ceila as we do at this time of night – 3 in the morning – every two weeks. We used to work together on nights and now this is like our homage to that. Usually we go to Dennys but tonight it’s drinks at her house and…
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My mood is so intensely labile. I spend nights at work cracking bad jokes, riffing on everyone around me and generally being quite ornery. I spend days often staring into space, at the wall, or overcome with sadness. But at least that’s better than doomscrolling, right? I swing like a pendulum and I have to…
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A polar vortex is moving through Washington, specifically, Eastern Washington and Idaho. It has been so bitterly cold, down to 1 or 2 degrees Fahrenheit. I constantly worry about the pipes freezing at either of my two properties when the weather gets this absurdly cold. I sound like a broken record reminding my tenants to…
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My patient is not getting better, he regressed tonight. They had taken him out of restraints and tried to keep him that way. They had also removed the foley catheter. When I got here, he peed everywhere and was trying to get out of bed. He got aggressive and even tried to hit me, but…
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Well, it’s done. I got the sex change form notarized, filled out the mail order form, made a money order for 25 bucks, made a copy of my name change document from 2008, and mailed it all to the department of health statistics. I should be grateful I’m even able to do this under current…
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Defending Women From Gender Ideology Extremism And Restoring Biological Truth To The Federal Government – The White House This was in my email today. I’ve been written out of existence. I honestly can’t remember what my employee records say. Something’s up with the eOPF government employee records site. They should say male but it’s possible…
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My catatonic patient is moving and responding to questions, albeit slowly. Tonight, I could barely keep him in the bed, he was jumping around so much. Everyone is talking about the email with included resignation letter from the nutcase-in-chief titled “Fork in the Road.” It’s really quite comical. He doesn’t have the power to unilaterally…
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Shit is getting real. As you might recall, I am a federal employee at the Department of Veterans Affairs. A CNA (nurse assistant) in the rehab and hospice unit at my local VA hospital. Today, we got an email from the Office of Personnel Management. During the first week of his administration, President Trump issued…
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I have had to sit with a lot of discomfort for the last few days. It’s forced me to think a lot about the DBT skills I’m supposed to use in response to these painful feelings – distraction, HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) build mastery, and just plain sitting with the shitty feelings. I also…
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Sometimes the only things to hold onto are physically within our grasp – my peppermint vodka cocktail, the cat next to me, my new gravity blanket. I am indulging in the DBT skill that is appreciating the small things – glimmers – or opposites of triggers. I have so many, many triggers. For once I…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 