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I have a catatonic patient. He hasn’t moved much in days, other than spontaneous leg movements and occasionally opening his eyes. He has late onset schizophrenia and is a veteran like me. I experienced catatonia myself. On the roller coaster ride that is bipolar, a downward plunge with no rebound pushes me deeper and deeper…
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Sometimes the only things to hold onto are physically within our grasp – my peppermint vodka cocktail, the cat next to me, my new gravity blanket. I am indulging in the DBT skill that is appreciating the small things – glimmers – or opposites of triggers. I have so many, many triggers. For once I…
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Something is happening but I dare not say what, for fear of ruining it. The DIY detox seems to have gone well. As far as I can tell, my brother hasn’t had a drink since last Thursday. I metered out to him four ativan on day one, three on day two, three on day three…
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This is so fucked up. It is happening all over again. I’m trying to face and accept the fact it’s going to keep happening. I have another patient in restraints and this time I had to help restrain him. I did everything I could to avoid it. For five hours I tried redirection, distraction, calming…
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Well, we’re doing it. A little DIY detox. I did some research. The best thing to do is get as far into withdrawals as possible. After that, four milligrams of Ativan, as well as a B complex vitamin and a benzo-free anti-anxiety med, Hydroxyzine. Maybe a sleeping pill but depends – those can lower respirations…
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I have not been to my house to see my mom. Or the store for more lemonade. I haven’t picked up the rent from one of my tenants. They even called to see if I was okay. Yes, I said…just catching up with things and getting adjusted to a new schedule and feeling rather unmotivated…
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It’s Monday and feels so strange because it’s the first Monday in three months I don’t have IOP or an appointment with Dr Black. I’ve been working on – at least in my mind – my house. In my mind I plan all kinds of plans and on my phone I do all kinds of…
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Build mastery – the art of staying busy with tasks and chores to distract from the ever present sense of dread and fear and anguish. I’m write sardonically, of course, but it’s true. It’s literally a DBT skill in which you try to exert control over the environment around you, clean yourself up, clean up…
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For now, my “journey” through both civilian and veteran mental health systems is at the maintenance phase. I have graduated IOP as of the end of the year. I could have done more time and the VA likely would have paid for it, but I felt ready, and I also liked how it closed out…
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A bittersweet day. I finished my episode of care with Dr Black and after that, went to my last day of IOP, where I graduated silently. I have all kinds of mixed emotions. At least I am feeling again, at least somewhat. I feel a nervous sense of trepidation, like a kid learning to ride…
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