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I called back my new unit manager, Jana. She talked to me about the somewhat long process to get a reasonable accommodation, and that in the meantime, it was quite likely there would be patients in restraints and since they’re short staffed, I might be the only aide on the floor. That is the case…
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My weekend was rough. I did not sleep much before work Saturday but I made it to work. It is very surreal, this new job. I’ll get into that in a bit. My mother came back Sunday morning and I picked her up from the airport. I had been at my house, giving it a…
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Sometimes I get so discouraged. In IOP, in work, in life, in everything. Today I felt discouraged in IOP. I have before, worried it was too much to take in at once, that I would not be able to get better at the different coping skills, that others would get better while I stagnated. I…
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My mother is having a little bit of a meltdown and left town. She’s in Portland right now. I mean, on the one hand, good for her. She needed a change of scenery, and god knows I can’t get her to do any of the things she used to do and I can’t make her…
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I’ve made it to week 10 and an important part of IOP, maybe the most important for me – distress tolerance. This is the key to hopefully preventing relapse, or at least violent detainment. This morning the first skill the therapist wanted to go over was self-soothing, or small acts in the moment that ground…
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After IOP Thursday, the therapist wanted to meet with me for my two month assessment. It has gone by fast. “How do you feel therapy has gone? Is there anything you need help with specifically?” “At first I was overwhelmed with the material and I felt like I wouldn’t be able to incorporate it or…
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There is little I can do about my reasonable accommodation request over the weekend, but I do have a phone number to call, or I can try to navigate their portal from a work computer. I figure I’ll just call them and expedite it, because I’ve already worked the floor once. I’ve been doing this…
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Couldn’t sleep today. Still kind of reverberating from yesterday’s unexpected and intense trigger. I had a lot of flashbacks, dissociation. Unable to eat anything. But tonight is my first night at my new job. I’m looking forward to the distraction, my mind will hopefully be focused on learning my new floor, and not on painful…
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Day three of orientation for my new job – also the last day. I had clinical content, part of a whole slew of legal regulatory requirements. I wasn’t thinking much of it – it’s all review, I’ve been doing this 15 years – till the instructor got to restraints and whipped them out in front…
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I got decent sleep today, with medication I slept seven hours and only woke up twice. I had a terrible dream despite the prazosin medication I take for nightmares. This wasn’t so much a nightmare as it was a memory. I dreamed I woke up tied to a bed in the hospital, and subsequently fighting…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 