Uncategorized
-
As I sit with a schizophrenic patient in the same locking restraints in which I found myself not that long ago, I feel a tiredness I haven’t felt in a long time. To be sure, I didn’t think I could do this, I really didn’t. I’m still not sure how I am, other than white…
-
I’m leaving early tonight and hanging out with Ceila as we do at this time of night – 3 in the morning – every two weeks. We used to work together on nights and now this is like our homage to that. Usually we go to Dennys but tonight it’s drinks at her house and…
-
My mood is so intensely labile. I spend nights at work cracking bad jokes, riffing on everyone around me and generally being quite ornery. I spend days often staring into space, at the wall, or overcome with sadness. But at least that’s better than doomscrolling, right? I swing like a pendulum and I have to…
-
Sometimes all I feel is dragging ennui. A thousand memories, fighting for space as though trapped in a compressor. I have terrible memories and I remember everything. It’s not photographic, it’s just graphic. I remember so much, and sometimes my mind just won’t shut up. I scream at them, please! I’m not that person anymore!…
-
I missed work last night, and I am upset with myself. I had one goal, one measly goal, and I got sick and missed work. I get migraines sometimes. They come on like normal headaches, but they make me feel sick to my stomach. I immediately tried to fight it off – I took ibuprofen,…
-
A polar vortex is moving through Washington, specifically, Eastern Washington and Idaho. It has been so bitterly cold, down to 1 or 2 degrees Fahrenheit. I constantly worry about the pipes freezing at either of my two properties when the weather gets this absurdly cold. I sound like a broken record reminding my tenants to…
-
My patient is not getting better, he regressed tonight. They had taken him out of restraints and tried to keep him that way. They had also removed the foley catheter. When I got here, he peed everywhere and was trying to get out of bed. He got aggressive and even tried to hit me, but…
-
Last week, my formerly catatonic patient was barely able to stay in bed through the night. This week, I was dismayed to see he was put in soft restraints to keep him in bed. A person in restraints is a lot of care. I remember this from when I was put in hard restraints in…
-
Well, it’s done. I got the sex change form notarized, filled out the mail order form, made a money order for 25 bucks, made a copy of my name change document from 2008, and mailed it all to the department of health statistics. I should be grateful I’m even able to do this under current…
-
Defending Women From Gender Ideology Extremism And Restoring Biological Truth To The Federal Government – The White House This was in my email today. I’ve been written out of existence. I honestly can’t remember what my employee records say. Something’s up with the eOPF government employee records site. They should say male but it’s possible…
Documenting my journey through the mental health system 