Documenting my journey through the mental health system

Class has resumed. I had a week of no school so I practiced and focused on singing. I had a private lesson with my choir director, and she helped me run through my two songs for the Divas and Rebels show on the 4th. I sing at that fundraiser, and then on the 8th I sing at the once monthly Wednesday drag show. I have two more songs for that show. So I am singing constantly, practicing. This isn’t karaoke. I insist on polished precision, knowing every note of the music, and I just want to be well rehearsed. It is a “competition” of sorts, a sing-off, if you will, at the fundraiser. I am so nervous and so excited all at once. My dress is with the seamstress, and she says it will be ready on time.

On the 12th, our choir sings at the Fox Theater, and I have a solo. I will do a part of Etta James’ At Last. I only get a minute and 30 seconds.

I see my psych provider next month. In a couple weeks. He checks on my lab work and asks how my meds are doing. They are keeping me stable, more stable than I have been in years. I told Nova that – I am better now. Past med cocktails have kept me subdued and left the world grey and dark. I can see color again.

I worry, a lot. I have anxiety every day. But despite that, I am doing more than I ever thought possible. I did not think I would start actually getting real opportunities to sing in front of people.